Conflict
by Arcane-Boomeus
Summary: Samus leaves looking sickly, and comes back weakened after the events of Metroid: Fusion, shaking her rivalry with Zelda to its very core... Luckily for Samus, Zelda doesn't know any ice spells. Zelda/Samus Rated M for language. BE WARNED: HERE THERE BE YURI. CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN EDITED WITH LINE BREAKS THAT WORK. THEY MAKE SENSE NOW.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING THAT I DIDN'T CREATE MYSELF, AND I'M NOT MAKING ANY MONEY OFF OF THIS. DON'T SUE ME, PLEASE AND THANK YOU.**

**Author's Notes****: If it's in brackets, it's Pokémon speak. Only characters who understand Pokémon can understand this speech (I really hope you didn't need me to explain that to you- if you did, your nerdiness is now in question). Red and all Pokémon characters can understand it, and Samus has a basic understanding. **

_Samus leaves looking sickly, and comes back weakened after the events of Metroid: Fusion, shaking her rivalry with Zelda to its very core... (Luckily for Samus, Zelda doesn't know any ice spells.)_

_**This story('s author) assumes that the Fusion Suit can't be repaired through download data(or whatever). The pieces were removed surgically, after all. So, they need to be replaced or re-integrated. I also assume that Samus' weapons were confiscated again (or whatever the fuck happened to them this time). **_

_**This story is rated M for language that is not suitable for children, as you may have noticed in the preceding sentence. The profanity is almost entirely (if not entirely) contained within dialogue, and it's pretty uncommon. **_

_Anyways, story time. Enjoy. And please, don't judge me based on the song Zelda sings. Rhyming relevant words is surprisingly difficult. (Respect for poets +1)_

Conflict

Chapter One: 

Well Excuse Me, Princess

Zelda scowled at Samus, her rival, the blonde warrior. "YOU ARE A PSYCHO BITCH," bellowed the princess. Samus' Varia Suit formed around her body, and she leveled her arm cannon at the princess. She said nothing. _'Usually she insults me,'_ thought Zelda, '_is something wrong?' _She dodged a charged power beam, then blasted the hunter with Din's Fire. "WHAT'S THE MATTER, ARAN? HAVE YOU BECOME SOME SORT OF MUTE LUNATIC?!"

Zelda gasped in shock when her single fireball knocked Samus unconscious. The crowd went wild, chanting "Zelda! Zelda!" but Zelda was thinking _'Samus? Samus?! Goddesses... Samus...'_

Samus had left after the match, and hadn't been back in over a week. Zelda was worried, hoping Samus would return because she hadn't beaten the huntress at her prime, and that she needed a rematch. At least, that's what she told herself...

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Zelda frowned. _'It's been more than a week since I've seen her... I hope nothing happened... I want to beat her fair and square. Watch her squirm and writhe beneath me... Right?' _Zelda's frown deepened. Why _did_ she miss her? _'Yes, I __**definitely**__ miss the competition. I miss winning, that's all,' _Zelda reassured herself._ 'I mean, what else is there to miss? __**Samus**__? Yeah, right. Just because she's-' _

"Sup, bitch?" called a weak-looking Samus, interrupting Zelda's thoughts. Her skin was pale, and she had deep bags under her eyes. Portions of her Zero suit -the sleeves, midriff, and most of the material on her legs- were missing, allowing her pale skin to show. Zelda whirled around and gasped at Samus' appearance.

"You... You were supposed to come back _healthy,_" Zelda quipped.

"Well _excuse_ me, princess. I wasn't aware that I had to pass inspection. I can leave, if my current state of being offends you," retorted Samus indignantly.

Zelda recoiled. "How _dare_ you?!" she managed to sound offended. _'Thank the Golden Goddesses, she's alright!' _

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Pikachu, who had also been excited to see Samus again, was annoyed by her decision to see Zelda first. "[It's like they're barely trying to pretend they hate each other.]"

Lucario had come when he'd sensed the conflicting emotions in the auras of the two, and looked down at the electric mouse Pokémon. "[I suppose it's a little cliché, but neither will admit that they're very deeply interested in the other. They keep up the ruse of a rivalry so the other won't suspect that they have feelings towards them.]"

"[I just want to shout, 'SHUT UP AND KISS ALREADY!']"

Lucario chuckled. "[You just did. It's fortunate that they don't speak Pokémon.]"

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Samus and Zelda turned towards the electric mouse Pokémon. Zelda only heard him shouting his name, but he was loud enough to attract her attention. Samus, on the other hand...

"Pikachu, could you repeat that?" her voice was tense, as if she were on the verge of rage. _'If you said what I __**think**__ you said...'_

Pikachu's eyes widened. "[Uh... I think I just.. erm... I developed Tourettes Syndrome! Yeah! FUCK A POTATO! Sorry, I have Tourettes, remember? Eh heh heh...]"

Samus sighed, walking over and scooping up her little yellow friend. "Pikachu, _buddy_..." she said softly, "Would you mind telling me what you said, and _not_ something about Tourettes and potatoes? Maybe you really _do_ have Tourettes, then... I mean, _surely_ you wouldn't lie to your old friend Samus, the _ruthless_ bounty hunter?"

Pikachu shuddered, too afraid to speak under the predatory gaze of Samus. "He said, and I quote, '[SHUT UP AND KISS ALREADY!]'" Lucario explained with a friendly smile.

_'Shut up and kiss already... Me and Zelda? But... even if I wanted to, even if I felt that way about __her... she hates my guts.' _Samus glanced back at Zelda, expecting the princess to be enraged or shocked that she had dropped their 'conversation'. But all Samus saw was... '_I'm not even sure what that is... Was she __**smiling**__?' _Samus looked back at the yellow rodent. "That's a very... _intriguing_... thought, Pikachu," she whispered, setting him down. _'Very intriguing indeed...'_

Turning back to Zelda, Samus cleared her throat. "As I was saying, FUCK YOU _AND_ THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON, YOU POMPOUS CUNTMUFFIN!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' A POMPOUS CUNTMUFFIN, YOU... I'm sorry, but, seriously? What the hell inspired '_cuntmuffin_'? I can't even respond to that," Zelda said.

"Shall we start over?" Samus asked._ 'That __**was**__ pretty bad...'_

Zelda nodded. "I think that would be best," she said. "Is there any topic in particular I should start on, or...?"

_'I can get in some good incest jokes about royalty...'_ thought Samus. "How about genetics?"

Zelda nodded eagerly. "_Fine_. We can talk about genetics, _bird-fucker_."

Samus winced at Zelda's language. Profanity still didn't sound right, coming from her."When your parents got married, were they still brother and sister?"

Zelda smiled wickedly. "I'm curious, Samus. Was it your mother or your father that was the bird?"

"My parents were both human," replied Samus bitterly. _'Before they were killed, that is...' _Zelda didn't know that she was pouring salt in old wounds. _'She doesn't know... Nobody does.' _Samus had never been one to divulge her thoughts. Especially weaknesses.

"You have bird DNA," Zelda reasoned, "so _somebody_ has to have fucked a bird." Her voice was malicious and mocking.

"I really don't feel like explaining this to you," Samus bit sharply. _'SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP,' _she screamed in her mind.

"That's fine. I can have a happy life without knowing about fucking birds." Zelda's smile faded. "Is something wrong?" She sounded worried.

Samus shook her head vigorously. "No... I just... need to go kill something," Samus lied before storming off. _'Just the mention of my parents... dammit, Aran, get over it...'_

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There were only three female smashers in the ladies' quarters. Nana and Popo had gone back to... wherever they came from recently, leaving only Peach, Zelda, and Samus, who laid on her bunk, wide awake, remembering.

"_Your father was a very brave man," the Old Bird had told her. _

"_He killed lots of Space Pirates, didn't he?" a younger Samus asked enthusiastically._

_The Old Bird nodded. "He did. But not as many as you will, I fear," he said sadly._

"_How many am I going to kill? And why am I going to kill more than my father?" _

"_All of them," the Old Bird said, "because you're different."_

"_Why do you sound so sad? Space Pirates are bad, aren't they?"_

"_Oh, certainly. It merely saddens me that you must bear the burdens of war for everyone else."_

Samus sighed. _'I should have asked why I was different,'_ she thought. She looked over at the sleeping form of Peach, still and calm. Zelda stirred, and Samus looked over at her. _'She's very pretty when she's not insulting me...'_ she thought as she drifted off to sleep.

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Peach groaned as she opened her eyes. _Something_ had made her wake up, but she didn't know who or what it was. So she listened. Zelda seemed to be... singing._ 'Sleep-singing? She is so __adorable...'_ Peach thought fondly. Silently, she rose and walked to Zelda's side, curiosity compelling her to hear Zelda sleep-sing.

"Little Hatchling,

hang on tight,

mommy's coming

to make things right,

with the Chozo's guidance,

she will do a deadly dance." Peach thought that she remembered Samus having mentioned 'Chozo' before._ 'Maybe she's having a prophetic dream... About Samus... how sweet,'_ Peach thought, deciding that she would remember the song so she could sing to Samus later. _'Even if the lyrics are a little awkward. I'm sure she didn't spend time beforehand writing them,' _Peach thought bemusedly.

But the rest of the song was rendered unintelligible when Zelda rolled over, face-down on the pillow. Peach resisted the urge to laugh at the absurd angle Zelda's left arm was now at. She repeated the words of the song in her head until she was confident she'd memorized them. She rose cautiously to avoid waking Zelda, then began to slowly creep back to her bed. _'Guidance and dance... they're not the best rhyme out there, but it's pretty clever.'_

She sat on the edge of her bed and smiled fondly at Samus' sleeping form. Peach happily served as a mother figure to most of the smashers, the main exceptions being the Pokémon, Snake, and most of the 'villains'. _'Zelda and Samus would make such a cute couple,'_ thought Peach, _'if they would pick up on each others' signals.' _Peach sighed. _'Live and let live, I suppose. They'll figure it out eventually, I'm sure...'_

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_ 'This is amazing...' _thought Link as he cradled the Fire Rod in his arms. '_It doesn't look like it's magical, though...'_ He looked around the small chamber. Intricate spiraling patterns, sprouting from the wingtips of a massive bird statue, adorned the walls. He turned back to the meter-wide hole he entered through. _'It looks almost... mechanical... I'll take it to Zelda. I'm sure she'll be able to tell me more.' _He slipped the artifact into his belt and began to crawl through the tunnel once more. _'I need a satchel or something... or another magical companion.'_

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"Aran, I thought you were a better pilot than that," teased Fox McCloud.

"Sorry I haven't mastered flying while parasites infest my nervous system," Samus retorted.

Fox nimbly leapt onto Samus' new gunship. "It's definitely faster than the old one," he noted, "but I can't lie. Purple isn't your color, Aran." Samus laughed.

"It was free," Samus said defensively. "And the computer won't let me change it."

"I still like the old girl more," said Fox. "Especially the upgrade you designed. But then you went and retrofitted her..."

"Fox, I've told you a _million_ times. The ship was extremely radioactive. I was lucky to keep the cockpit and some of the chassis. Not to mention that it was hard to sleep in. The red lights were a poor choice."

The awkward silence that followed lasted for several minutes. Fox broke said silence. "Samus, we have problems, don't we?"

Samus nodded. "At least we're alive. Sure, we lost our parents. We both have relationship problems. But we've still got time."

"My relationship problems are worse than yours, I think... I screwed up, Samus."

"And I've lost no fewer than three father figures. And a kind of adopted baby Metroid..."

"I feel like I'll never live up to my father's legacy," Fox said sadly.

Samus laughed bitterly. "Trust me, Fox, being better than your father isn't as great as it sounds. I outdid my father a long time ago... I've destroyed several planets, now. Killed a lot of Space Pirates, Metroids, and fake versions of me..."

"And I have yet to avenge my father's death."

"Would he have really wanted you to avenge him, Fox? That doesn't sound like the James McCloud I've heard so much about."

"It's not for him. It's for... I don't know... but Wolf is evil, that much I know," Fox's voice grew dangerously quiet. "He'll die. He'll die by my hand."

Samus smiled a grim smile, one that could only be worn by a person who had killed a great many adversaries. "I have killed Ridley more times than I care to count. I've detonated space stations and even a few planets with him on them. I've seen the life force drain from that hate-filled biomass... Yet, they keep bringing him back... What I'm saying is, when you kill Wolf, make damn sure he's gone for good."

"Wolf may be evil, but he's too proud to allow that to happen..."

And so ensued another awkward silence.

"Samus."

"Yeah?"

"What happened to your armor?"

Samus sighed._ 'It's a long story,'_ she thought. But she knew she would tell it anyways. "You remember my previous missions, right?"

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"Someone approaches," Lucario said matter-of-factly. "They bear ill will towards you."

Zelda frowned. _'I can't even meditate with Lucario for an hour without something going wrong,'_ she thought. "Can you tell who it is, Lucario?"

"I believe it is Wolf O'Donnell."

"What does _he_ want?" Zelda had no idea why Wolf would want anything to do with her, good _or_ bad.

"I do not know, but he feels quite belligerent."

"I thought you'd be here, Princess," called a voice belonging to none other than Wolf. "Your friend Ganondorf offered a pretty sum for your head. I believe he specifically wanted it 'on a pike,'" Wolf chuckled maliciously. "But I don't happen to have any pikes handy. I'm sure he'll understand." Zelda cringed. His blaster's wickedly curved bayonet caught her eye. She was afraid.

"Wolf O'Donnell," Lucario said calmly, "Did you know that Lucario are sought out and respected across our world for our insight and wisdom?"

"Did you know that _I don't give a damn_?" Wolf spat.

"A word of advice," Lucario pronounced, his voice low and dangerous, "we are respected for a reason."

"And what reason would that be," Wolf asked mockingly, "O great and wise Lucario?"

Lucario rose to his feet. Multicolored flames danced around his muscular form. Ignoring Wolf's insolent comments, he said "I would advise you to leave."

"What's my leaving worth to you?"

Lucario stepped forward, his aura slowly adopting a blood red color. "Your life." Wolf balked. "Now run for it, little _pup_." And run Wolf did.

"My apologies, Zelda," Lucario said calmly. "I believe we may now resume our meditation."

**End Chapter 1**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING THAT I DIDN'T CREATE MYSELF, AND I'M NOT MAKING ANY MONEY OFF OF THIS. DON'T SUE ME, PLEASE AND THANK YOU.**

_**This story is rated M for language.**_

_**Note: I don't write everything in one sitting, like I used to. So there may be minor inconsistencies, like me calling Samus a 'hunter' and later a 'huntress'. I'm not going to fix them, because... I kind of like the extra bit of quirkiness they add. It gives you more insight into the author (being myself, of course). I feel like some of the thought-y bits are a tad long, but I feel like they're either important or amusing, so they're staying!**_

_**This chapter was originally titled 'blahblahblah'. I know, it's flippin' awesome.**_

Conflict

Chapter Two:

I Don't Think She Needs a License

Samus had saved the galaxy from itself. She had to disobey orders-direct orders- to do it, and now... she wasn't sure. She'd destroyed SR388 and the B.S.L. Research Station, wiped out the X-parasites, the Metroids. She destroyed Phaaze, the sentient planet from which all Phazon originated, as well as the Phazon it had produced.

The Federation, in spite of her heroism, had placed a massive bounty on her head for her insubordination. Not a single bounty hunter had accepted the job. Samus Aran was a name spoken of in legends and cursed by evil the likes of the Space Pirates and the Ing.

The entire Galactic Federation Marine Corps refused to oppose her out of respect, and had dispatched a squadron of no fewer than 300 fighters to escort her ship safely through Federation space.

Samus had come back to the only place she had left, the one place the Federation couldn't find her. Then she'd realized that her rivalry with Zelda was nothing more than an inability to express her feelings about the princess.

"Adam," the Hunter said.

"What's troubling you, Samus?" Asked the ship's computer.

"I think I'm a lesbian."

"What makes you think that, lady?"

"I want to be with Zelda," Samus answered. She had thought about it, and realized that she wanted Zelda's love and attention- the rivalry being a means of getting her attention.

"And the mighty warrior needs the help of her computer to do so?"

"I'm serious, Adam. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if she can tolerate my presence."

Adam picked up on the desperation in Samus' voice. He knew he could help, if he could actually speak to Zelda. He needed time to formulate a plan, and Samus had a match scheduled in fifteen minutes. "You have a match in fifteen minutes. You go beat the poor sap senseless, and I'll think of something. Any objections, lady?"

Samus shook her head, then turned to leave. She could definitely blow off some steam.

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After Lucario had dealt with Wolf's intrusion, Zelda's meditation had proceeded spectacularly. Zelda realized that she did not hate Samus. In fact, she planned to talk to Samus about it, after the hunter's match with Link.

"Zelda, can you take a look at this?" Link asked, distracting the princess from her ruminations.

Zelda turned to see that Link held the artifact known as the 'Fire Rod' in his hands. Zelda nodded curtly before inspecting it, drinking in the markings and mechanical parts. "It's much more... complex than I would have thought."

"The chamber I found it in was small- the entrance was a meter high at most. Usually magical artifacts have grandiose chambers hidden away in ancient temples..."

"I don't recognize anything about it, Link... Other than the overall appearance, of course. The symbols and inner workings of it are a mystery to me," she paused to look at his eager face. "Have you tried using it yet?"

The hero shook his head. "I thought it would be wise to have you look at it first. For all I knew, it could have blown up in my face." He hefted the rod, watching the light glint off of the orange lens mounted on the front end.

"It's definitely not going to explode, and it looks quite sturdy. Why not use it in your match against Samus?"

Link nodded. "I think I will."

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Samus stretched her muscles, more eager to fight than she'd anticipated. It had been too long since she'd fought a friendly face, especially one that didn't want to murder her. Samus liked Link. He was kind, polite, and respectful most of the time, but in combat he was as cold and calculating as Samus herself, and utterly fearless. Even with his ancient- by Samus' standards- technology and weapons, he was a force to be reckoned with.

Samus watched as Link tensed, knowing she was doing the same. She waited anxiously for the starting buzzer, not realizing that she was idly fiddling with her Arm Cannon. She watched as Link repeatedly readjusted his grip on his sword.

The starting buzzer let off an overly loud blast of sound, and both warriors sprung into action.

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With Phaaze -and all Phazon- gone, Dark Samus had been reduced to almost nothing. Her Phazon-madness had gone with them, and now... she felt weak. Vulnerable. Most of all, she was afraid and alone. The Space Pirates had decided to hunt her down instead of the true Samus, and Dark Samus was sure that they had a large array of experiments planned for her.

_'Maybe I should let them catch me,' _she thought. _'What use is a weakened clone of a -no, the- great hunter? Even when I was stronger than her, she was... stronger than me... how does that work?'_ When the Phazon-madness had passed, Dark Samus had been able to purge Metroid Prime from herself. She realized that it had been the reason for her existence, but without Phazon the vile cretin had withered and died. Which left her nearly powerless, floating in space, attempting to gather her energy enough to teleport _somewhere_. Where she ended up was irrelevant. She didn't want revenge, nor did she want to attempt to replace the true hunter. All she wanted to do was live, and she was determined to do just that.

_'Maybe she will help me... after all, I __**am**__ her... Kind of.'_

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Samus flipped through the air over Link, unleashing a barrage of missiles and Power Beam blasts. Link calmly back-flipped over a missile and slashed at a Power Beam shot with his sword, sending it back at Samus, who was now once more on the ground. The blast was absorbed easily by her shields, but it still shocked her that his sword could deflect energy like that.

Deciding that the sword was too big a threat to ignore, Samus deftly shot Link's left hand, causing him to drop the sword and cry out in pain. Samus sprinted at him as his sword clanged on the ground, arm cannon raised to finish him off with a single fell swipe. She didn't anticipate Link producing a red rod of some sort and using it to block her arm cannon.

Neither warrior expected the rod to disintegrate into Samus' arm cannon.

With a cheery tone, Samus' HUD displayed the message,"Thermal weapon system successfully integrated." Samus, quickly recovering from the surprise, unleashed a blast of fire that finished Link off and won her the match.

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Zelda walked up to the foreboding hunk of purple metal that was Samus Aran's gunship. _'Do I... knock? Or...' _Zelda had been on board Samus' ship before, but it was different then, painted red and orange and resembling Samus' helmet. Zelda wasn't sure how these things worked- for all she knew, it could be an entirely different ship. The old one had a hatch on top that allowed entry, but Zelda wasn't really sure how to go about it politely.

As luck would have it, Zelda didn't have to figure it out.

"Zelda? What're you doing here?"

Zelda wheeled around to see none other than Samus. "I wanted to talk to you, Samus," said the princess.

"What about?"

"It's a personal matter. Between us."

Samus smiled. "I'm about to go check on things back home," she explained, "you can come along and we can talk on the way."

Zelda nodded. "That sounds perfect."

Samus walked under the ship's massive chassis and gestured for Zelda to join her as a green light shone down. Zelda cautiously stepped into the cone of light beside Samus. She gasped as they began to float upwards, and Samus wrapped her arms around Zelda, holding her securely inside of the green light.

"I don't know what'll happen if part of you goes outside of the beam, but I'd rather not find out."

That didn't make Zelda any more comfortable. She closed her eyes tightly. _'Samus' arms feel so strong... I feel safe, and this is... nice.' _

Zelda almost sighed when Samus let go of her, and she couldn't help but feel like Samus did it only reluctantly. "You can open your eyes now, Zelda," Samus said with a laugh. _'Is she blushing? No, it must be the lighting. Why would she be blushing?'_

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Samus kept a straight face, but she was sure she was blushing. _'Zelda feels so... soft. Like a beautiful... pillow. Keep it straight, Aran. You're not even making sense now.'_

"Alright Adam, let's make a quick check-in on Federation Space. Zelda and I are going to go and have a chat."

"Aye-aye, lady," replied her computerized former CO.

Zelda looked around curiously. "This isn't the ship you had before, is it?"

Samus shook her head. "That one may or may not have crashed into an asteroid belt."

Zelda suddenly looked a lot less comfortable after that statement, so Samus moved to try and ease her concerns.

"We'll probably not be traveling near any asteroid belts, let alone through any, and my nervous system is parasite-free now."

Zelda just looked confused now. "I don't follow."

"Come on," Samus said, perhaps a bit too happily, "I'll tell you all about it in my quarters."

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Dark Samus' eyes went wide. A gunship registered to Samus Aran herself had just... _appeared_, not far from her location. She didn't question how it was possible, she went straight into survival mode.

If she could just gather enough power to send a distress signal... She sighed sadly at the prospect of being too weak to even send a distress signal. _'Desperate times call for desperate measures,' _she thought.

"Converting biological energy to suit power..." chimed her suit's computer in a distorted and strangely deep voice.

Dark Samus felt her consciousness fading. Putting her life in the hands of her suit, she allowed herself to drift off into a dreamless slumber.

"Distress signal activated. Transmitting..."

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Zelda looked at Samus under a new light. _'How is she still alive? She's so strong, so determined... it's no wonder she's feared and respected, she's like a... war goddess, beautiful and deadly. Even at her weakest, she fought off hordes of monsters and saved the galaxy, even when it didn't want to be saved.'_

"How is it that you defeated stronger versions of yourself?"

"I had to live... I wasn't ready to die yet. I'm still not."

Zelda sighed. She wished that she could have fended off Ganon herself, and been strong like Samus.

"Distress signal received. The source is nearby, and seems to be human sized," announced the ship's computer.

Samus immediately sprung to her feet, leaving Zelda sitting on her bunk. "Zelda, I'm going to have to seal you in this room, to make sure you have atmosphere. I have the feeling that I'm going to have to pull someone in, and..." Samus sighed. "Trust me, if I don't do this, you'll die."

Zelda nodded. "I generally prefer not dying."

Samus laughed. "Good. I don't like suicidal women." On that note, she left the room.

_'Wait. What did she mean by "I don't like suicidal women"? Is she... does that mean she likes women who aren't suicidal? Or anyone that's not a suicidal woman?' _Zelda found herself hoping Samus was a lesbian. _'It's certainly possible, and she __**was**__ blushing earlier... does the fact that I hope she's a lesbian mean that I'm one too? I suppose so. I just never really thought about it before... That's interesting to think about.'_

It wasn't long at all before the door opened once more. Samus, still clad in her Fusion Suit, was holding... another suit? It looked like Samus' normal suit, but black rather than red and orange.

"Is there... Is there a person in that, Samus?"

"I think so. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure..."

"Do you have any idea as to who it is, then?"

"I know exactly who it is. I just don't know if she-or it- has a body inside of the suit or not. Only time will tell."

"Who is it, Samus?"

"Dark Samus."

"I thought you killed her."

"Me too."

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Link weighed the fire rod in his hand. He would gladly give it to Samus, but previous experience had shown him that giving a person a weapon for nothing in exchange tended to end in disaster. Link doubted Samus had anything he wanted, mainly because he just wanted somebody to love. Midna had broken the only link between the realms of Light and Twilight, Ilia was crazy and cared more for Epona than anyone else, Agitha was too weird and too young, and Hena had a boyfriend. On top of these, Link was fairly certain that Samus and Zelda were both gay. In fact, he was more certain of it than they themselves.

Link sighed._ 'It'll happen eventually,' _he told himself. He didn't realize how soon 'eventually' was.

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Samus looked at Dark Samus. She'd propped her doppelganger into a recharging station- more specifically, the emergency recharging station that was separate from the rest of the ship's grid. Samus was sure that Dark Samus was sleeping. Her visor was dark and offline, and she fidgeted on occasion. Zelda looked at Samus quizzically. "What do you think she looks like?"

Samus shrugged. "Assuming she 'looks' at all, she's probably physically identical to me."

"I think she has a human body. A suit of armor wouldn't fidget like that..." Zelda giggled. "That's how I first determined that you were a woman. I made a bet with Link over it. He had to wear a pink tunic and hat for a week!"

"What did Link think I was?" Samus asked, wondering what the hero had believed her to be.

"He thought you were an ancient robot of some sort."

Samus frowned. "_Ancient_ robot?"

"Pre-Hyrulian civilizations were very technologically advanced. At least, some of them were..."

"Samus, I know you have company, but... we have company. Preemptive scans mark them as Federation ships, but they're too far to determine anything more," buzzed Adam.

Samus sighed, rubbing her temples. "You know the drill." The ship's computer knew exactly what she would do, but asked out of politeness.

Zelda looked confused. "Samus?"

"We're putting the ship into stealth mode. Generating a stealth field is power-consuming, and the ship's going to be unable to move while it's up. Worse, the ship's temperature control systems will be set much too low for my tastes. Adam will have to put me in a short-term stasis with a bit of tranquilizer, so that I don't freeze to death."

"Zelda should be fine, as long as she stays in your room. It'll be uncomfortable, but liveable."

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Zelda smiled. It was cold, sure, but Samus was adorably tranquilized, and Dark Samus gave off a faint glow in the otherwise dark room. Zelda had no qualms with watching Samus sleep, and she couldn't help but look into the darkened visor of Dark Samus every couple of minutes. Zelda once again walked over to Dark Samus and peered into the darkened visor._ 'Is she staring back at me? Or does she even have eyes to stare with?'_

_ 'Excuse me, Princess, but it's too cold in here. You're going to get sick. And that means I'M going to get sick.'_

_ 'I'm sorry, Sheik, but I don't see many options in regards to temperature regulation.'_

_'I see plenty, Zelda. The most favorable being Sammy over there. Snuggle up and share body heat.'_

_ 'But... She's... It'd be rude.' _Zelda wasn't sure if such things were actually rude or not, but she didn't want to make Samus uncomfortable.

_'It's not rude, Zelda. She's so gay for you it's not even funny how oblivious you two are.'_

_'And what makes you qualified to determine whether or not she's a homosexual?'_

_ 'Do I need a license?'_

_'Of course not! But... it would be reassuring,' _Zelda thought sheepishly.

_'Dammit, just slip in under the covers and get warm. I don't care how you do it or what comes of it.'_

_ 'FINE.'_

_'Fine.'_

_ 'I ALREADY SAID FINE, SHEIK.' _Zelda nervously walked over to Samus' bedside. She tried to reassure herself that it was no big deal, but Sheik wouldn't shut up until her way was had, and being closer to Samus seemed nice anyways._ 'It's not THAT awkward, is it?'_

_ 'How the hell should I know?'_

_'Oh, thanks for reassuring me.'_

_ 'No problem, Zelda.'_

_'I was being sarcastic, Sheik.'_

_ 'Oh, I know. I just relish your attempts to politely insult me.'_

_'JUST SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!'_

_ 'Technically, I don't currently have a mouth...'_

_'DAMMIT SHEIK!'_

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Dark Samus' eyes snapped wide open as she woke._ 'Where am I... she's here. She saved me.' _She didn't even wonder who the woman in bed with Samus was. She didn't care. Her scan visor revealed that the two were similar in age, and, judging by their sleeping arrangements, engaged in a relationship. Dark Samus couldn't help but find it a little off-putting. Did that mean that she was supposed to copulate with females? She wasn't sure, but decided that she didn't care what she was supposed to do. For all she knew, she could replicate asexually if she so pleased- though she doubted it.

Dark Samus sighed as she realized how weak she was. Even her weapons systems had been ravaged for energy, leaving her with a basic missile launcher and her basic beam settings- scatter and a pulse similar to that of the Huntress' Power Beam, albeit with a slightly lower rate of fire. Her visors had been reduced to the basic Combat and Scan- even her Thermal visor had been lost. She sighed. _'Perhaps the Huntress has a spare Thermal visor. I can certainly live without most everything else... but I've come to rely on thermal readings far too heavily.'_

Dark Samus was distracted from her train of thought by her visor's glaring message "DATA DOWNLOADED TO LOGBOOK," it said. Curious, Dark Samus opened the logbook. The only unread file... a journal. The Huntress' journal. Written only days ago...

_'I shouldn't. She saved my life... but... perhaps I can gain insight into her motives and thoughts...' _Using that rationalization, the logbook was immediately opened by the Dark Huntress.

_"I feel like... I don't know how to describe it, nor do I know what it is... but I like it. Whenever I'm around Zelda-" _

"LOGBOOK ENTRY CLOSED."

_**I like that ending for the chapter. Break up any seriousness you might have had with a little bit o' lol. Before you ask, Sheik has been 'present' the entire time, she's just usually... dormant, I suppose. She gives advice in fields she has experience in- *cough cough* she's SO gay, it's practically canon *cough cough* - wow, what a strange coughing fit.**_

_**ANWAYS, **_

_**END CHAPTER 2**_

_**of **_

_**CONFLICT**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own precisely nothing that I did not create myself. I make no profit off of this, and therefore should not be sued.**

**This story is rated M for language.**

** I can't find anything about rapid space travel in the Metroid universe, so I'm going to assume that they do the Star Wars 'making jumps to Hyperspace' thing. As a matter-of-fact, a lot of things in the Metroid universe are... unspecified. There were six months between Prime 2 (Echoes) and Prime 3 (Corruption), but other times (and dates especially) are just NEVER mentioned. So I have to make things up. **

** For the purposes of this story, Samus is 23 after (and during) the events of Fusion, and was 20 during the original Metroid (And, since it's a remake of the original Metroid, Zero Mission Samus is merely a graphically improved 20 year old Samus). This allows for Samus to have spent anywhere from six to two years (I don't know what the age restrictions are in the Metroid universe are, either) training for/serving in the Federation Police and then the Federation Marines. (Metroid/Zero Mission are[is?] confirmed to be Samus' first job as a bounty hunter [hence, _Zero_ Mission] so I assume it happened relatively quickly after she left the Marines).**

** Also, Dark Samus was 'born' on Tallon IV, from a Phazon-corrupted power suit possessed by the 'ghost' of Metroid Prime. (This happened at the end of Metroid Prime). **

** Now that I've given you a rather lengthy explanation that you probably at least skimmed through, I have something much more interesting (God, I hope so) for you to read.**

**Conflict**

**Chapter Three:**

**Like That, But in _Space_**

Samus stifled a yawn. _'Where's Dark Samus?'_ "Adam?"

"Dark Samus is having breakfast. She looked pretty hungry... she eats just like you do."

"She took her armor off?" Samus didn't believe it. "And how do I eat, exactly?"

"No, she's using some sort of... I'm not sure, but food's disappearing. You eat like a half-starved horse."

Samus swore under her breath. "Is Zelda in there too?"

"She's still in your quarters, according to... everything but you."

Samus scanned the room, seeing no signs of a princess. Then she turned around and saw Zelda sleeping peacefully.

_ 'Zelda? Did we... no, I was asleep... did she take advantage of me in my sleep? Did I sleep through it? There's only one way to find out, I suppose.'_

"Zelda," Samus said, tapping the sleeping princess on the shoulder. The princess mumbled something about not meaning to call someone a whore, and Samus nudged her again. "Zelda."

This time, Zelda's eyes fluttered open. "Hmm? Oh!" She blushed. "You're probably wondering why I was sleeping in the same bed as you, huh?"

Samus shrugged. "I was wondering who it was that you didn't mean to call a whore."

The princess blushed. "I spoke in my sleep? I suppose it can't hurt to tell you. Sheik was nagging me, last night, insisting that I sleep and share body heat with you to avoid getting sick, and I told her to shut her 'whore mouth'."

Samus frowned. "I thought Sheik was an alter-ego, not a voice in your head..."

Zelda laughed. "She's not a mental problem, she's a different person entirely, sworn long ago to share the bodies and burdens of Hyrulean Princesses. She gives me advice, sometimes, and she's generally correct, so I listen to her."

"She must have been nagging you a lot to make you say something so... risque." Samus decided that asking more questions on the topic of Sheik, while it could give her more insight into Zelda, might be a little too personal for the time being.

"She was teasing me, too, and it... hit a nerve," Zelda admitted sheepishly.

Samus' eyebrows arched up, her curiosity piqued. "What about?"

Zelda's blush deepened, and Samus noticed it more quickly than she'd admit. "Uh... I'd rather keep that to myself, I think."

Samus shrugged. "You're cute when you're embarrassed."

Zelda's cheeks reddened even more. She laughed nervously. "I, uh... t-thank you, S-Samus."

_ 'Oh god, she's **adorable**. So sweet and... innocent? Maybe. She's also still in my bed. Is that a good sign?' _

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'She hasn't kicked me out of her bed yet... I guess Sheik was right about her after all... and the way she's looking at me is... either fond, or lustful. What should I do, Sheik?'

_ 'Normally, I'd say you should kiss her.'_

_'Is this not a normal situation?'_

_ 'Not with Dark Samus missing. Which you should point out.'_

Zelda looked, frowning when she saw that Dark Samus was, in fact, no longer in the energy station. "Samus..."

Samus laughed. "I noticed that Dark Samus was gone when I woke up."

Zelda looked at her with disbelief. "I don't believe you."

"It's true," said the man's voice that Zelda remembered hearing earlier. She was sure that Samus called him 'Adam'. Zelda didn't know how to respond, leading to an awkward silence. An awkward silence made all the more awkward because they were _still_ in the same bed.

"Zelda," Samus said quietly, "I have something I want to say. It's important." Before Samus could say anything more, a loud alarm cut her off.

"Samus, we have no fewer than thirty unidentified vessels following an intercept course. They're small, probably fighters, and most likely Federation."

Samus was out of the room before Zelda could register she'd gone. Zelda sighed. _'You two are never gonna get anywhere if things keep going like this,'_ Sheik commented.

_ 'I think she was going to kiss me, too. Dammit.'_

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Samus was in her Power Suit and in the command chair without even thinking. "Gimme a SitRep, Adam," she said calmly, in spite of the adrenaline rushing through her.

"Squadron of thirty-six fighter-craft moving to intercept at high velocity. Their formation is clean and uniform- they're definitely Federation pilots. Their ships, however... They're putting off a great deal more exhaust than expected from any Federation ship I know of."

Samus squinted at the screen in front of her. Lines of data scrolled down the sides of the display, forming a border of abbreviated words and numbers. _'Space Pirates wouldn't have let us see them, they would have raised stealth fields and attacked. Adam's right, they're definitely Federation. The exhaust... What're they playing at?'_

Samus was deep in thought, and due to this was completely oblivious to the others joining her in the cockpit. Dark Samus gave an amused snort. "I can't believe my eyes. Can't those _idiot_ pirates keep anything to themselves?"

Samus glanced back at her doppelgänger. "What're you talking about?" Her mind was multitasking, focused too heavily on the approaching ships to make even a simple connection regarding anything other than said ships.

Dark Samus' visor glinted in the light as she turned her head to look at Zelda. "I think your friend understands." Zelda nodded, and Dark Samus continued, "That's a maneuver that _I_ taught the Space Pirates. Now the Federation's using it, too."

Zelda cleared her throat, then began to explain, "I used a similar tactic once. Just, with mounted cavalry and a regiment of archers. The leading group kicks up a lot of dust as it charges at the enemy, and hides the group following until the latter group is close enough to attack. Once they're close enough, the front group splits into two groups that flank the enemy on both sides, and the rear group attacks as well."

Dark Samus nodded approvingly. "The main difference being that these guys can hide a more significant force behind them, this being space and all. They're leading with bulkier fighters, and the rear group is composed of faster ones with more weaponry."

Samus frowned. "The Federation wouldn't leave that plan in such a simple state."

"They'd try and make it better," Adam agreed.

Samus laughed as she realized what was 'missing'. "They're also hiding their carrier. Since it fits behind a group of fighters flying four-by-nine, it's obviously rather small. It's likely that it's got all of its fighters committed to this tactic, and is defenseless from the sides and from behind."

"Would you like me to hail them so we can notify them of their... problem?" Adam asked.

"Affirmative," Samus said, her eyes narrowing as the fighters drew nearer, " and raise to Threat Level Orange."

"I'll run E.C.M.'s," Dark Samus said as she took a seat at a terminal designated 'E.C.M.'.

"Roger that," Samus said in confirmation, "Zelda, can you have a seat in the chair labeled 'Comms?'"

"I shall," the princess replied calmly, sitting down in the chair in front of the communications console.

"They're accepting our hail, and patching us through now."

The voice was distinctly masculine. Samus guessed that the man was in his mid-thirties. "Hello, Ms. Aran. This is Major-"

"I don't give a _flying fuck_ who you are. You're either an idiot, or you're following the orders of idiots. Unless you can pull a pair of super-dreadnoughts out of your ass, you don't stand a chance."

"And what gives you that idea, Ms. Aran?" The Major asked calmly.

"Did you sleep through your briefing, Major? Or did they not explain to you what exactly a Hunter-class gunship is?"

"I was given command of this ship and its' fighters, and told that it was sufficient."

"Well, Major, you were deceived. My ship has more firepower than all of yours combined and is faster than a stiletto-class fighter."

"Is th-that so?" The Major was trying to keep his cool, but failing.

"They're attempting to hack our systems," Dark Samus called.

Samus muted her outgoing communications. "Bring their shields down on my signal," she commanded.

"Ready," Dark Samus said after a few moments.

Samus un-muted herself. "It is... besides, Major," she said, signaling to Dark Samus, "your shields are down." The Major gasped and began shouting at various crew members. Samus held in her laughter. "Plot them on a course for home," Samus ordered, "and send them on their way."

"Roger that," Dark Samus said cheerily.

"Major?" Samus called out.

"Huh? What?" The Major was out of breath and confused.

"Goodbye."

"Wait, WHAT IS GOING ON?!" The Major shouted.

"Sir, we've been set on a course for Tallon IV. We're about to jump to Hyperspace," said the voice of a crewman.

The ships disappeared, and the hail ended. Samus turned to look at Dark Samus. "I meant Galactic Federation HQ,"

Dark Samus shrugged. "You said 'home,' and Tallon IV's the first place that came to mind."

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'Zelda, you can do this. Just keep calm and you'll be fine,' Sheik said, comforting the princess she shared a body with.

_'I know, Sheik. When have I ever not been calm?'_ Sheik found the bravado of the relatively dainty princess amusing.

_ 'Well, around eight hours ago...'_

_'I was perfectly calm! You were egging me on.'_

_ 'The circumstances are irrelevant, Princess. You were all fired up.' _Zelda, refusing to concede defeat, turned her attention towards the bounty hunter in the cockpit. After the confrontation with the Federation, Samus had remained in the command chair, doing... something. Neither Sheik nor Zelda knew, but the Huntress had deactivated her Power Suit, so the princess and her protector had decided that she probably wasn't doing anything important.

Zelda rapped her knuckles on the sliding metal door that opened into the cockpit. The door slid open without a sound, and Samus glanced over her shoulder. "You don't have to knock, Zelda," the huntress said.

"Samus, can I ask you something?" Zelda asked in the same tone she used when addressing visiting nobles.

Samus nodded quickly, still facing away from Zelda. "Shoot."

"Actually, I want to ask two questions. First, how did those Federation people find us when we used the stealth field you talked about?"

Samus turned to face Zelda, her face displaying a strange mixture of emotions. Sheik picked out disappointment, surprise, and what looked to be an impressed raising of the eyebrows. Sheik thought it was interesting, especially the disappointed part._ 'No wonder she didn't look at you when you asked if you could ask a question-which was much too indirect, by the way- she was expecting a personal question,' _Zelda felt happier after Sheik mentioned that, and Sheik was merely satisfied that she was able to criticize the princess without rebuttal.

"... Fuck," Samus swore quietly, almost negating the vulgarity of the word 'fuck'. "I don't know. That's what Adam and I have been trying to figure out. They must have some new technology- a new sensor, maybe- that we don't know about." Samus' expression turned slightly hopeful, but Zelda didn't notice- the change lasted for only an instant, so fast that even the keen eye of a Sheikah barely caught it. "What's the second question?"

Zelda looked the huntress straight in the eyes. "Earlier, you said, and I quote, "Good. I don't like suicidal women." Does that mean that you like women who are not suicidal? If it does not, you should be more cautious with the way you word your sentences in the future, as specifying 'women' implies that-"

Samus laughed, interrupting Zelda's speech. "What if I said that the answer depends on the reason you're asking?"

Zelda smirked. Sheik liked where the conversation was about to go. "What if I said it was because I want to have your babies?"

"I would say that that's physiologically impossible, but..."

"But?"

The huntress winked. "But I admire your forwardness and I won't stop you from trying."

Zelda grinned. "I have another question."

"And what would that be?"

"Can we start now?"

"I... I can't think of a reason not to, but it feels... irresponsible," the huntress said thoughtfully.

_ 'Of course you can't. You're not married, not even engaged. You haven't even had a formal date yet,'_ Sheik said tersely. _'I won't let the Crown Princess of Hyrule be labeled a whore.'_

As if he had been able to hear Sheik's protest, Adam pitched in as well. "I don't think it's a good idea. Back in my day, you had to at least buy a girl dinner first."

Samus giggled in a more girly manner than any logical human being would expect from a rouge bounty hunter, probably due to the 'back in my day' from Adam. "What does Sheik think, Zelda?"

"She says no. Because we're not married," the princess of Hyrule responded dryly.

"You _are_ a princess, after all. You can't just go and sleep with someone before you're in an established relationship, I'm sure. That's how it worked where I came from," Adam reasoned.

Samus frowned. "Would you actually be able to marry a woman, anyways? Surely that'd stir up some controversy."

Zelda cocked her head to one side. "Why? Men do it all the time." She said it as if it were completely valid logic. Sheik realized that it was valid in an invalid sort of way. But the Princess didn't

seem to understand... Samus laughed.

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Dark Samus sighed. 'The Huntress is a homosexual. I am a... copy of the Huntress. Does that mean that mean that I am also homosexual?' She was surprised that such a trivial matter could trouble her so, but she brooded on it anyways. She wondered if such things made her human, weak, both, or neither.

_'I've never even removed my armor...' _she thought glumly._ 'Surely it is biomechanically linked to my biomass, as hers is. If it is, removal should pose no risk, no problems... besides, the holster of my sidearm is itching like crazy.' _With that ironclad reasoning, the Dark Huntress made up her mind. She would remove her armor. She grinned, proud of herself for making a difficult decision.

_'But... what if I'm ugly?'_ She shuddered at the thought, then shuddered again when she realized how vain that the thought and subsequent shudder were. _'Itchy holster. I won't have to look at my face often anyways, but I'll always have this damn holster itching if I don't do this.' _

She attempted to execute the command "Reintegrate Suit into Host Biomass," and winced at the response. "Permission Denied. Please enter your sixty-four digit pass-code and try again."

"Computer?" There was no response, but she felt as if the computer was unsure whether it should answer or not. Thinking back, she realized that this was no ordinary computer. This was the mind of the late General Adam Malkovich, a close friend, former commanding officer, and father figure to the Huntress herself.

The Dark Huntress felt slightly guilty for having read the Huntress' logbook entries while she slept, but reasoned that it was necessary, that logbook entries were meant to be read, and that she hadn't read anything _too_ personal. _'Should I address him as General Malkovich? As Adam? Should I call him 'computer' once more? Mind? Sir?' _Dark Samus grimaced, deciding to make it up as she went along.

"General Adam Malkovich." Undeterred by the continued silence, Dark Samus continued. "You chose to sacrifice your younger brother, Ian Malkovich, in order to save the lives of approximately three-hundred civilians."

"Do you disagree with my decision?"

Dark Samus shook her head. "No. It was a logical decision. Three-hundred versus one. If you hadn't jettisoned the drive unit, there would have been no survivors at all."

"Why did you feel the need to discuss this with me, exactly?" The computerized voice held no emotion, but Dark Samus was sure that Adam was suspicious.

"I am merely admiring your ability to make difficult decisions, to make sacrifices. Even in death, you and the Huntress chose to ruin your respective careers and destroy both the research station and the planet designated SR388, in order to prevent the spread of the X." Dark Samus wiggled her fingers idly, wondering what they looked like beneath her ebony armor.

"It was the right thing to do, by the same logic as jettisoning the drive unit. Just... on a different scale. No lives were sacrificed, and we potentially saved the entire galaxy." Dark Samus considered the phrase 'no lives were sacrificed'.

"Are you sure?" Understandably, Adam seemed confused, and didn't answer right away. Dark Samus realized this, and specified, "Are you sure that no lives were sacrificed?"

Adam's response was blunt and accurate. "The X were eradicated. They were not a sacrifice. Are you familiar with Adolf Hitler?"

Dark Samus nodded. The Huntress had stored a rather extensive library of human history in her suit, and it had been passed on to Dark Samus. "Yes. He led the Nazi party and the country of Germany in World War Two, and desired the eradication of all 'lesser races'."

"The Holocaust resulted in the deaths of approximately six million Jews. Do you think Adolf Hitler considered those Jews to be a sacrifice?"

Dark Samus considered this. If the goal was to achieve a more 'pure' pool of humans, than they could have been considered a sacrifice, but if the goal was to eradicate Jews... _'Is it sacrifice to kill, when your goal is to kill, and you 'sacrifice' the people you wish to kill?' _

Dark Samus asked the key question- "What was the goal of the Holocaust? Was it to eliminate the 'lesser races,' or to achieve a world free of those 'lesser races'?"

The computer supplied the obvious answer. "Both of those are the same thing, but the latter sounds so much less brutal, doesn't it? You could call it a sacrifice if your goal was the latter, but not the former."

Dark Samus understood. "My information came almost exclusively from the Huntress. It was mainly data focusing purely on fact..."

"You're wondering if Adolf Hitler was evil?"

Dark Samus nodded, surprised that he could guess so quickly. "Yes."

"I do not know. Nobody knows, except Adolf Hitler himself, and possibly not even he."

"How is that possible?"

"Many believe that Hitler was insane. If he believed that, say, eliminating Jews was for the greater good, or even just a necessary evil, would he still be evil? He did evil things, but do you think that anyone considers themselves to be truly evil? If he believed he was doing the right thing by killing those people, then he must have believed that he was a good person, correct? Would he have done it if he considered the slaughter of millions of Jews to be evil, and unnecessary?"

"I do not know," the Dark Huntress replied solemnly.

"As I said, nobody does."

"Does doing evil things not make one evil?"

"I think it only makes them evil if they know that it is evil, and do it anyways. You've done a fair share of killing yourself, do you think you're evil?"

"I have never consciously killed anything," the Dark Huntress said, all of her logic and memory reassuring her that she was telling the truth, that she was innocent, but the logs and recordings in her suits' computer telling her the opposite.

"Samus' logs indicate otherwise," the computerized voice stated bluntly.

"That was my body, but..." Dark Samus sighed sadly. "Metroid Prime... it was in control. For a long time... When Phaaze was destroyed, and the Phazon madness passed, it was weakened, and I eliminated it."

"So you killed it?" Adam seemed to be attempting to get the Dark Huntress to contradict herself, but he would be disappointed.

Dark Samus scoffed. "That would have been too kind, too merciful. I watched as it slowly died, starved of the Phazon it needed to survive."

"And where did this happen?"

"Space," Dark Samus said, as if it were the most obvious answer ever to be asked after.

"Were you not starving too?" Adam's logic was valid, but Dark Samus thought that it was irrelevant.

"Of course I was. I ate for the first time several hours ago," the Dark Huntress said in a matter-of-fact tone, as if it weren't abnormal at all. For all she knew, it wasn't.

"How did you survive? And, while we're on the topic of surviving things, how did you survive the destruction of Phaaze?"

Dark Samus shrugged. "I'm not ready to die."

"That's it? You survived because you wanted to?"

"If I didn't want to survive, then I wouldn't have. If I was weak, then I wouldn't have been strong enough to survive. But I wanted to survive, and was strong enough to do so..." The Dark Huntress was silent for a time, then said, "I'll never be bent to the will of another again." Her voice grew deadly quiet. "_NEVER_ again."

"What exactly made you not want to die? You were starving, trapped in space, and apparently watched your own body slaughter living beings without mercy. Anyone else would have wanted death."

The Dark Huntress shrugged. "It's not possible to die," she said with certainty, "without living first."

"That," Adam said, "is very wise." He paused. "Especially for a two-year-old."

"How long was I in space? I lost track."

"Eight months? Maybe longer, maybe shorter. I'm not really sure, Samus' complete mission logs were on her old ship, and the data wasn't recovered entirely... or it was, but the Federation didn't feel the need to return it to Samus."

"Why would they not give her her mission data?" Dark Samus didn't understand.

"...The Federation and its' people generally mean well, but there are those who have different motives, and plenty among them who do not approve of bounty hunters. Samus was-is- the most successful and famous of the hunters, and those people who disapprove of hunters sought to prevent her from becoming too powerful, by any means necessary."

"How would her mission data make her more powerful? Surely she would remember anything significant that happened."

"But there IS the possibility that she could have forgotten or overlooked something, and that's enough for them. Anything they can do that might have even the slightest negative effect, they do. Most every mission they hire her to do, they don't allow her to use any but her most basic weapons. Of course, she ends up gathering more and making her arsenal even more formidable."

"I've witnessed that..." Dark Samus said quietly. "Metroid Prime used my body as it pleased, but I still felt everything. Some of the weapons she finds are truly devastating..." Dark Samus, growing ever more uncomfortable with the conversation, decided that a subject change would be most welcome. "Do you know the sixty-four digit pass-code that's required to remove my suit?"

"The word 'star'. Sixteen times. No, I'm not joking. You can thank a young Samus Aran for that solid pass-code."

"Well, it said 'digit,' so I assumed it was a string of sixty-four random _numbers_." Dark Samus decided that Adam didn't hold the Huntress in quite as high regards as she did. Dark Samus accepted that. The Huntress had saved her life- twice, if you counted her killing Metroid Prime (Dark Samus certainly did)- and the Dark Huntress could hold no one in higher esteem than Samus Aran.

**End Chapter Three**

**of**

_**Conflict**_

Dark Samus got a lot of attention, huh?

Zelda was a bit more forward than Sheik wanted, as demonstrated in this quote: "... because I want to have your babies."

Samus was pretty normal, though.

THE FEDS ARE USING HACKS!1!47!two!111!1! (Kidding)

**I think that's all. So, BAI.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own precisely nothing that I did not create myself. I make no profit off of this, and therefore should not be sued.**

**This story is rated M for language.**

This chapter makes a pretty big deal out of Samus' suit. I don't think I explicitly stated that she had changed suits, but I meant to. It's not really going to be significant to the plot, but if I was unclear, I apologize.

My bad, dawg(s). If it makes you feel any better, I misspelled apologize earlier (I corrected it, so don't go lookin', you'll end up disappointed).

I learned that grey is the English English spelling of gray, and that I should use gray from now on (because, AMERICA).

**Conflict**

**Chapter Four:**

**Hello, my Designation is...**

"Hey! Link!" Called a voice from behind Link, one that he knew well. The Hero stopped and turned, and Fox jogged up to him. "Have you seen Aran anywhere? I've been looking for her."

Link shrugged. "I haven't seen her today... I haven't seen Zelda either, come to think of it. Maybe they're together somewhere."

Fox smiled at that. "They really like each other, I think. Aran is certainly fond of the princess."

Link nodded. "And they seem to be the only ones who haven't realized it."

Fox shrugged. "Maybe they've realized it, and have run off to be together forever." He laughed. "Or maybe they beat each other unconscious."

Link frowned, having just realized something. "Why is it that we shrug so much when we talk about women?"

Fox assumed a thoughtful pose, with a fist under his fuzzy chin. "Probably because we know less about them than any other subject."

"I know more about women than I do about..." Link scratched his head, stumped. "Maybe you're right."

Fox shrugged. "Or maybe we don't really shrug that often, and you're just overly sensitive to shrugging. The galaxy may never know."

Link shrugged as well. "You're probably right. Good luck finding Samus."

"Thanks. Good luck finding yourself a lady friend." Link grunted in response. He didn't want to know how Fox could always tell what was troubling him.

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Samus shifted uncomfortably in her ship's command chair. "Adam, this Power Suit... it's too corrupt. My body's rejecting it, I think." The quiet whirring of a scan module indicated that Adam was checking her suit as well.

"I don't think Zelda noticed the change the first time, Samus, but I'm certain that she'll notice if you change back into the Fusion suit out of nowhere."

"Then what do you think I should do about it?" Samus sincerely didn't know what to do._ 'Will Zelda be mad if I don't tell her?'_

"I think you should ditch that suit ASAP... my scans also indicate that you need a haircut. Maybe you can get Zelda to help with that."

Samus nodded in confirmation. _'A haircut would be nice. Getting out of this glitchy, piece-of-shit suit sounds even better.' _Samus rose from the chair, intending to remove the corrupted Power Suit before it screwed anything up. "Adam, take us home."

"Aye aye, lady." The monotonous voice of the digitized Adam Malkovich responded. Samus stepped out of the cockpit and into the main cabin of her ship. Her jaw dropped. At the table before her sat Zelda and a woman with gray skin, red eyes, and white hair that Samus could only assume was her doppelganger. Dark Samus looked exactly like Samus, just with different pigmentation.

Dark Samus turned to Zelda. "I fail to see any resemblance. Humans all look the same to me." Zelda looked like she was unsure how to reply to that. Probably because she was. She looked to Samus questioningly.

"Don't worry. Eventually, you'll start to be able to distinguish them," the Huntress said evenly, managing to hide the strange mess of emotions she was feeling. "Especially once you figure out their names."

The Dark Huntress looked at the Huntress. "What is my name?" She asked with such sincerity and innocence that Samus wasn't sure how to respond. _'Is this really the same woman who was so brutal in insulting the Space Pirates earlier?'_

Samus shrugged. "I don't know. I guess you just... don't have one."

Zelda frowned at this. "Then, let's give her a name!" The Dark Huntress shifted uncomfortably, like she didn't trust a princess and a bounty hunter to name her. Samus decided that it was probably a reasonable discomfort, because she had no clue what to name her. Zelda, on the other hand, looked to be thinking pretty hard, with her face scrunched up and her chin supported by a gloved hand. After a while, she beamed. "How about Sunny?"

Dark Samus recoiled, obviously displeased with Zelda's choice. "I do not like that," she said calmly, her voice not mirroring her physical reaction at all.

Samus scratched the back of her head._ 'If not Sunny, maybe... another celestial body? Maybe...'_ Samus grinned, coming up with a perfect foil to 'Sunny'. "What about Luna?"

The doppelganger considered the name, a soft smile forming on her lips. "The Earth's moon...?" Samus nodded enthusiastically. "I like it," Dark Samus said, sounding pleased.

Zelda gave a nod of approval. "Luna Aran. That's a pretty name." Samus and the newly-dubbed Luna gaped at Zelda in surprise, their expressions identical. The Princess giggled. "You two are going to have to act like sisters. You're much more alike than either of you seems to realize, it seems."

"Sisters... siblings are expected to provide overwatch for each other, are they not?" asked Luna.

Samus laughed at the Dark Huntress' usage of military terminology. "Not just specifically overwatch, though... they help and care for the other, and watch each others backs... right?" She looked at Zelda for affirmation.

The Princess stifled a laugh. "I think that you hit the nail right on the head."

Luna seemed to absorb the information. "Allow me to assist you, then," she said, rising to her feet. Samus only caught a glimpse of Luna's sidearm before everything went dark.

**0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O**

Luna slipped her Paralyzer back into its holster on her right thigh, newly readjusted so it didn't itch. She cast a glance at Zelda. The Princess' eyes were wide and her mouth hung open. "I am sorry if I surprised you, Zelda. The emotion displayed on your face is shock, is it not?" The Princess of Hyrule didn't respond. "You are beginning to worry me, Zelda..." Luna placed two fingers on the neck of the shocked brunette, checking for a pulse. "You seem to be healthy. Is this abnormal?"

Zelda glowed brightly for a moment or two, then looked different. Her hair was in a single yellow braid on one side of her face, most of which was covered by a mask. Her dress had been replaced by tighter clothing. "I don't know what you're doing... but you don't seem to have it in for the Princess, and you haven't made any move to finish Samus off." Even her voice changed. Luna was certain that something was abnormal with this woman.

Luna frowned. "I am _certain_ that this is abnormal..."

The blonde leaned forward, resting her chin on her fist. "It most certainly _is_ abnormal. I'm Sheik. Zelda's protector. _What_ are you _doing_?"

Luna strode over to Samus' unconscious form, then slung the Huntress over her right shoulder. "She seems to have attempted to integrate a corrupt Power Suit into her biomass, with partial success. If it is not removed, she will experience crippling neural degradation. The Suit is now integrated enough to addle her mind into delaying removal. Simple, yet effective. It subtly influences her consciousness, so it must be removed while she is unconscious. Do you understand?"

Sheik nodded. "Now that you mention it, I did notice that she was wearing different armor before..." The Sheikah stood. "Can I help?"

"Adam, will you assist us?" Luna asked politely.

"Of course I will," replied the monotonous voice of the ship's computer.

"Could you direct us to the medical bay?" Luna looked at Sheik. "Your assistance will be most welcome, I think."

**0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O**

'Shit...' Samus thought ruefully. 'What... happened?'

"She's waking up," Sheik said nervously.

"But we are not finished yet, Sheik." Luna spoke in a blunt, matter-of-fact tone. Samus' eyes went from completely shut to wide open. She wanted to scream. Her nerves were on fire, sending searing pain throughout her body. "Please relax, Huntress. No brain surgeries are being performed."

"What the hell are you talking about!?" Samus screamed.

"The surface of the brain has no nerves. Brain surgery can be performed while a patient is wide awake, and the patient can have no idea what is occurring... most patients, however, prefer anesthesia," Luna explained her thoughts.

"What's going on?" Samus asked through gritted teeth. "I'd like to inform you that the pain is _excruci-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH !_" Her voice slipped into a high-pitched squeal as Luna removed a hunk of metal from her arm. "Fuck," she said after regaining her composure, "it would be LOVELY if somebody could at least numb me."

"Nobody here knows how much anesthesia to administer, lady," Adam explained.

"Sheik," Samus said, "Just strangle me until I pass out."

"I can do that." The Sheikah hands that wrapped around her throat were small and surprisingly soft. They squeezed gently, and Samus blinked what she thought was 'thank you' in Morse code. The last thing she thought before losing consciousness was_ 'I don't know Morse code.'_

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Zelda sighed. Samus was still 'sleeping', but the corrupt suit was removed and disposed of. "Luna," she said in a soft voice, breaking the silence, "next time, at least tell me when you're going to do something like that."

Luna looked curiously at Zelda. "Something like what?"

Zelda considered precisely what to say for a moment before replying. "Shooting my girlfriend."

"Oh..." The Dark Huntress' eyes darted to Samus for a moment. "I think I can do that." She smiled happily.

"To clarify, that's not me giving you permission to do it again," Zelda said, intending to avoid having a heart attack.

Luna giggled. "I know." Then she squinted at Zelda. "Do you have two brains? Or a multiple personality disorder of some sort? I remember reading something in Samus' logs about multiple personality disorders..."

"Sheik isn't a part of me, at least, not physically. I can't fully explain it in a way that you would understand... I barely understand it myself." Zelda shrugged.

"So... she is both a different person, and the same person?"

Zelda smiled. "I'd say that's exactly right."

Luna beamed with pride for a bit before becoming curious again. "Where are we going?"

"Um..." Zelda wasn't sure herself. "I don't really know, to be honest. It's... I'm sure Adam or Samus could explain it to you."

"Adam, where are we going?" Luna asked.

"I'm not entirely sure," the monotonous voice responded. "I myself have only gone there once. It seems to be a dimensional anomaly of some sort. Perhaps it is a rift between dimensions, or a pocket dimension."

Zelda smiled. "It's a nice place. Most of the people there are heroes or adventurers- kindhearted people. The ones that aren't... they can be quite unpleasant."

"What makes a person 'unpleasant'?" Luna asked curiously, her head cocked slightly to one side. Zelda was reminded once again just how isolated Luna had been.

"Any number of things can make a person unpleasant, to any number of degrees. A person who is mildly unpleasant, for example, might use profanity in excess and insult people. A person who is VERY unpleasant might be violent or mentally unstable." Zelda thought about it. "Though, I tend to find the ones who are perfectly sane the most disgusting."

"Why?"

Zelda frowned. "Because, it means that they know what they're doing, and they know that it's wrong... yet they do it anyways."

"Am I unpleasant?" Luna asked, an expression Zelda didn't recognize played upon her countenance. Zelda found it strange that her white hair and gray skin didn't make her seem old at all; in fact, she seemed vibrantly young, even to Zelda, who was only a few years into womanhood.

"I don't think you're unpleasant at all, Luna," Zelda said with an amused giggle. _'She's just like a child...'_

"But I acted violently. And I believe myself to be sane. I suppose that my grasp on the concept of sanity could very well be skewed..." Luna trailed off.

"You acted violently because it seemed like the right thing to do, and not out of some desire to harm another being. And I believe that, given the circumstances, you did the right thing. I'm certain that Samus will understand why you did what you did, and forgive you for any transgressions."

"Is violence ever right?" Luna asked with a confused look on her face.

Zelda sighed. "That... is a difficult question..."Zelda cleared her throat after gathering her thoughts. "I believe that it is circumstantial. Acting violently for no reason is wrong. Oftentimes, however, violence is necessary. For example, if hunters did not kill a certain amount of game, then their families would go hungry, and the animal populations would skyrocket. The ecosystem could be devastated."

Zelda looked at Luna, who seemed to be absorbing the information. "As another example... A belligerently drunk man is threatening a young woman with a knife, refusing to listen to reason. Violent action may need to be taken against the man to save the woman's life."

Luna nodded slowly. "I understand."

**0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O**

Samus groaned as she regained consciousness. "Samus!" called a familiar voice. Samus opened her eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the bright lights of the room. "Samus," Peach said, "You can't just go leaving when I need to talk to you!"

Samus ignored the illogical portions of the statement. Sitting up, she asked, "What do you want to talk about, Peach?"

The blonde princess beamed. "Okay. A few days ago, Zelda sang in her sleep."

Samus wasn't sure how to respond. "Is that important?" Peach nodded furiously. Samus was amazed by the way Peach's hair wasn't affected by the rapid movement at all, but didn't mention it. She wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"I memorized what she sang, just so I could tell you!" Peach sang so quietly that Samus could barely hear her. "Chozo... you said you were raised by Chozo, didn't you?"

Samus nodded. "Yeah..." she paused uncomfortably, "I was."

"Is something wrong, Samus?" Peach asked, going from gossip to maternal instinct within seconds.

Samus smiled bitterly. "...No. I'm just... remembering."

"You're a terrible liar, Samus," Peach said sternly. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Do you really want to know?" Samus asked, a mixture of emotions audible within her voice.

"Please tell me, Samus."

"Fine," Samus said coldly. "I wouldn't say that they 'raised' me. I was trained, rigorously. Mother Brain made sure I was aware of that..." Samus sighed. "There was a race of small creatures. They ionized liquids to fly, and I enjoyed watching them." A tear ran down her cheek. "They inadvertently fertilized an extremely poisonous plant, so Mother Brain and the Chozo decided to kill them after burning the plants. ALL of them. They didn't hesitate." Samus' face was wet with tears. "I followed them, and when they arrived, the creatures picked up weapons to defend themselves. I disarmed them, but before I could do anything else... Before I could do anything, Mother Brain burned them alive, right in front of me. And then she thanked me..."

Peach shuddered. "I... I'm sorry to hear that," she said. Her eyes were widened in shock, but her voice was perfectly steady and calm.

"Don't be," Samus said. "I personally saw to it that she died a painful death... She deserved it."

Peach recoiled. "What?!"

Samus' eyes were cold. "I'm a bounty hunter. I was hired to kill her. I did my job... I just made sure it was extra painful. For Baby... and everyone else..."

Peach gaped. "B-baby?"

Samus nodded. "A Metroid hatchling. It hatched near me, and decided that I was its mother. I called it Baby... Mother Brain killed it, after it saved my life. It exploded on me..."

"That's terrible!" Peach exclaimed in horror.

"After Mother Brain was dead, I blew up the planet. Just to be safe."

"Was it really necessary to do that?!"

Samus laughed bitterly. "It was, actually. The Federation still managed to clone Metroids from Baby's remains."

"Remains? … I thought you said that it exploded..."

"It did. ONTO me. They collected samples while cleaning my suit."

"Are these the same people who outlawed you?"

Samus nodded. "Yeah. And they have to know that they can't enforce it. No bounty hunter will take up hunting me, and the military fears and respects me."

"But... you stay away anyways?" Peach asked, confused.

"If I tried to stay in Federation space, I would eventually have to actually fight. I was made into an instrument of war by Mother Brain. She wanted me to join her and the Space Pirates when she betrayed the Chozo. If I were enter into conflict with Federation forces... I would be no better than the Pirates. The Chozo wanted me to save the galaxy, and save it I have. I lost everything, and everyone, but I saved all life in the galaxy..."

Peach pulled Samus into a hug. "Samus, I couldn't be more proud of you."

Samus' expression softened once more. "That... means a lot to me. Thank you." It was at that moment that the door burst open. Wolf somersaulted into the room, blaster drawn and held in firing position. The bayonet gleamed wickedly under the fluorescent lighting. He looked around the room, then, apparently dissatisfied, turned to face Samus and Peach.

"Either of you seen Zelda?" He asked gruffly, holstering his blaster.

Peach shook her head. "No, I haven't. And Samus just woke up." Wolf grunted and turned to leave. Samus nimbly leapt from the bed, vaulting over Wolf and blocking the door. Her fingers brushed the grip of her Paralyzer.

"What's it to you?" She growled. He drew his blaster and leveled it at her face.

"Only business. MY business," he responded coolly. Samus' Fusion Suit materialized, and she brandished her Arm Cannon with practiced ease.

"You're threatening someone I care about. That makes it _MY_ business. So do me a favor, and pull that trigger so I can crush you," Samus said coldly.

"You think your armor will protect you at this range?" Wolf laughed. "I won't hesitate to kill you, girlie."

"The armor won't protect me, no." She shrugged. "So go ahead. Shoot me."

"With pleasure." Wolf's blaster sent a blast of energy at Samus' helmet, point-blank. It dissipated on her shields. Wolf's jaw dropped, as Samus crushed his blaster with her left hand.

"I would kill you, but I think that doing so would deprive Fox of his revenge. Consider yourself lucky, Wolf... for now."

**0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O**

Link held in his laughter._ 'Zelda and her friend eat like there's no tomorrow...'_

Zelda looked up from her plate and glared daggers at the Hero of Twilight. "I'm eating for two grown women! DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!" Then she sighed angrily. "Shut up, Sheik. I wouldn't have to eat so much if YOU weren't anorexic!"

Zelda's friend kept shooting glances over at Link, and he noticed. He couldn't help but find her gray skin and white hair to be... alluring, and he was certain he recognized her face. He smiled at her. "Hello. I'm Link. I don't believe we've met."

"Your belief is correct. My designa-" she paused, then corrected herself, "My name is Luna. Luna Aran." Link laughed when she said 'Aran'. She frowned. "Was my introduction humorous?"

Link shook his head. "No, I just thought you looked familiar, and it took you saying 'Aran' to make me realize that you must be a relative of Samus." Link grinned. "You're... sisters?" Luna nodded cheerily. "Well, Luna, let me just say that your sisters scares the life out of me." Luna seemed to take that as a compliment.

Luna looked at Zelda and smiled. "This is the one... the one you told me about, right?" Zelda giggled, then nodded.

Link looked around nervously. Nobody else was in the mess hall with them. "What are we talking about?" Link asked cautiously, all too aware that he could very well be standing in a tangled web of gossip and deception.

Zelda laughed. "Relax, Link. Luna's a fan of yours." Luna nodded eagerly.

"A... fan?" Link shuddered. He had plenty of female 'fans,' especially in Castle Town.

Zelda sighed. "Goddesses, Link, she's obviously not like that. She hasn't swooned, and you've still got your clothes on, so don't worry."

"Are my thoughts really that obvious?" Link asked sadly.

Zelda nodded. "Yes, they are."

Luna shrugged. "I am still learning to differentiate based on facial structure. I have no clue what your thoughts are. All I know is that you were strong enough to almost defeat the Hunt-" she frowned, then corrected herself and resumed, "my sister."

"She was faster than she used to be. It took me by surprise. She took advantage, as she should have..." Link paused, considering the fight's ending. "She allowed me to take her by surprise, but was lucky and defeated me."

Luna looked at Link with a rapt expression and wide eyes. "You mean... she only managed to defeat you through luck?"

Link nodded. "Yes. Generally, we're just about evenly matched... when she keeps to her basic weapons. Those faster missiles..." he laughed, "well, they're fast." Zelda laughed too, but Luna's mouth dropped open and stayed that way.

"Luna?" Zelda put a hand on her shoulder. "Luna!"

Luna closed her mouth and blinked a few times. "I would like you to teach me," she said after a few moments.

"Huh? Me?" Link was confused. "Why?"

"Because you are strong," Luna said simply, "and I have much to learn."

Link blushed. "Um... Thank you... but, I'm no teacher, and I was planning on returning to Hyrule soon."

"Then I would like to accompany you," Luna said.

"I don't see any reason you can't come with me, but..." Link sighed._ 'Just who is this girl?'_

"Well," Zelda said, "I'll be bringing her sister home with me. Might as well keep them together, wouldn't you agree?"

Luna turned to Zelda. "Why are you bringing her with you, Zelda?"

Zelda giggled. "To establish our relationship in the eyes of the people of Hyrule."

Link pumped a fist in the air. "I KNEW IT!"

Zelda stood. "Well, I'd best be going."

"Why?"

"I need to tell Samus that she's coming to Hyrule with me, of course."

**End Chapter Four**

**of**

_**Conflict**_

I've kinda limited myself in antagonists that I'm familiar with, so Wolf is just... not very good at his job...

Don't you just love my chapter titles?


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own precisely nothing that I did not create myself. I make no profit off of this, and therefore should not be sued.**

**This chapter is rated M for language and sexual content (nothing explicit, per se, but I'd rather be safe than in trouble)**

**For those of you who are reading on ... **

**I'M SORRY!**

**I didn't realize that it removed my little asterisk breaky things. Until I can fix and re-upload them, you can find the better versions on my deviantArt (My username is Arcane-Boomeus there, too). **

**I AM ALSO SORRY THAT I MADE GORONS SPEAK DERPENESE. I wanted them to have distinct speech.**

**Okay!**

**Thanks to Mouse/Two-Guys-One-Comp (and the Metroid Manga itself) I have tightened my grip on the history of Metroid. When Samus was 14, she entered the Police academy. She graduated at 17 (As Valedictorian, no less). Between the manga and Zero Mission (which was also the second volume of the manga) Samus became a Galactic Federation Marine (it had to be in there, nowhere else fits) and subsequently quit. **

**I feel bad for Fox. Krystal's a freakin' slut.**

**Conflict**

**Chapter Five:**

**Trust-a Me, I'm-a a Doctor**

Samus smiled, taking in a breath of fresh air as she gazed out into the grassy plains Hyrule Field. "Hyrule is beautiful," she said. The portal had let them out in a cave that was relatively close to Castle Town, the capital of Hyrule. Luckily -for Samus and Luna- that meant that they needn't ride horses.

Sheik nodded her agreement. "Yeah... makes me appreciate the times that Zelda just lets me be in control for awhile, ya know?"

"Times like this?" Luna asked.

Sheik laughed. "Yes. She said that she didn't want to get her dress dirty on the trail, but she's done it countless times. She went for a swim in lake Hylia in her dress, once," Sheik said happily. "She really is a sweet girl."

"Except when she thinks you're judging her while she eats," Link said, "Then she's sour. Very sour."

"That reminds me," Sheik said, turning to look Samus in the eyes, "if you break her heart, I'll break your ribs."

Samus laughed. "Right. Because I'm such a lady-killer. People of Hyrule, lock up your daughters, Samus Aran's in town!"

"Just keep it in your pants," Sheik said irritably.

"Keep _what_ in my pants? I'm a woman, in case you hadn't noticed."

"It's an expression, Samus," Link said, somehow managing to keep a straight face.

"Either way," Samus said indignantly, "Zelda's the one who wants to have my babies. I'm fine with being platonic for awhile."

"Platonic?" Sheik asked. Link looked confused as well.

Samus sighed._ 'Right. They didn't have a Plato here, so they don't know what it means.' _"Plato was a philosopher who claimed that he was perfectly happy without having sex- with women. Personally, I think he had sex, just, you know, with men. Nonetheless, 'platonic' is a term describing a relationship involving little to no sexy time."

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Sheik felt uneasy for some reason. _'Zelda, I think we may have company,' _she thought.

_'You're right. I sense them too. Do you think... could they be the slavers that have been subject of so many rumors lately?'_

Link sighed contentedly. "I love it here... It's good to be home." His eyes narrowed. "I'm still uncomfortable, though. To be honest," the hero said loudly, "I find it intolerably annoying when people refuse to show themselves!"

Samus and Luna both tensed. "I've got thermal," Samus said.

"I'll use X-Ray," Luna responded. Sheik watched with interest as the two Huntresses acted as a duo flawlessly, even down to their suits materializing simultaneously. Luna's black Phazon Suit and Samus' primarily blue Fusion Suit. Luna swept her visor in a complete circle, and Samus did the same. "I see at least thirty humanoid life-forms," Luna called.

Samus nodded. "I count thirty-two, half on the left flank and half on the right. They're hiding in the trees."

Link grunted, drawing his sword. "An ambush... Are you slavers, or something else?"

A voice called out from the right. "We're more numerous than you, and we've got you surrounded! You're in no position to be asking questions!"

Samus, Sheik, and Link laughed. Luna merely began charging her beam weapon. "Obviously, you have no idea just whom it is you are dealing with. Any one of us would have no trouble defeating all of you single-handedly," Sheik called. "In addition, you have yet to realize just who _I _am." _'Zelda, your turn,' _Sheik thought cheerily.

Sheik was enveloped in a white light as she became Zelda. "I am Crown Princess Zelda of Hyrule. Answer me now. Are you slavers? As I'm sure you know, the slave trade has been illegal in Hyrule for centuries now, and is punishable by death."

The voice laughed. "I think a stuck-up bitch of a princess'll fetch an excellent price, don't you, boys?"

"YEAH!" Called a large number of male voices.

"And I think I'll let each of you boys take a ride on whichever one strikes your fancy! After all, they'll fetch nice prices as sex slaves."

Zelda sighed. "Then you leave me no choice." She turned to Samus, Luna, and Link. "I shall handle them myself." She closed her eyes and put her hands together. When they separated, a ball of fire had formed in both of her palms. She held them out to the sides, her palms perpendicular to the ground, and fire leapt from her hands to the trees on either side of the road, setting them ablaze in seconds.

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Luna winced as the screams died down. "I... W-was that r-really necessary?"

Zelda sighed sadly and turned to face the dark huntress. "It was. A fire was the only way to leave a few survivors, and leave them with horrible wounds to prove that their tale was true."

Luna nodded, understanding. "They'll return to their friends and tell them..."

Link put a hand on her shoulder. "They're worse than murderers. They deserve whatever they get." Link realized that Luna was trembling. "Are you alright?" he asked softly.

"It seems like the right thing to do, but... I just can't convince myself that it wasn't wrong..."

Link smiled sadly. "You understand, then. Sometimes, doing what's right is hard. It never feels right to kill someone. If killing felt good, then we wouldn't stop."

Luna looked into Link's eyes. "I feel like they're still screaming inside of me..." Tears began to fall, making trails of moisture on her gray cheeks.

Link pulled her into a hug. "It's okay to cry. We all do it. It's the ability to acknowledge the sadness, fear, or guilt, then discard them when it matters that makes us strong."

Luna considered what Link had said, then wiped away her tears. "I... my heart rate is increasing..." She turned to Samus, a concerned look on her face. "Am I malfunctioning?"

Samus laughed. "No. You're having a romantic moment."

Luna looked more confused than ever. "I don't understand."

Zelda sighed. "Samus is saying that you two should kiss."

Samus suddenly frowned. She seemed to mull something over and make a decision in mere seconds. "Zelda," she called sweetly.

Zelda turned to face Samus, only to be caught in the strong arms of the Huntress. She made an "Mmph!" sound when Samus kissed her.

Link and Luna looked at the two with equal levels of confusion, then they glanced at each other. "I don't understand," they said in unison.

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Wolf pressed his ear up against the door to the female sleeping quarters. _'Where'd she go?' _he wondered. He recoiled at what he heard.

"Hello, Princess," called a voice, "It's-a me, Mario!"

"Pleasant day to you, Mario," Peach's voice replied, "What brings you here this fine day?"

"I'm-a here to clean-a your pipes-a!" Mario sounded _way_ to cheerful to be there on business.

Wolf was genuinely confused. _'What the hell is going on?'_

"Oh!" Peach said. "But... you don't seem to have any equipment with you, Mario!"

"Trust-a me, Princess, I brought-a plenty of-a equipment..." Mario said, his voice accompanied by a zipping sound.

Wolf's eyes widened in realization. _'OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD! I- I CAN'T STOP LISTENING!'_

Peach gasped. "Mario, it's so _big_ and _long_! I don't know if it'll fit..."

Mario chuckled. "Don't-a you worry, Princess. It-a will fit-a."

"Are you certain?"

"Trust-a me, I'm-a a Doctor."

And so Wolf listened 'till the end...

"Well-a, Princess, I think-a that oughta do it."

"Oh, if only it were so, Mario," Peach said, her voice one of mock despair. "I seem to have no money to compensate you."

"Don't-a worry, Princess. I'll-a put it on-a your tab."

"No, that just won't do! You worked hard, and you deserve a reward!"

Wolf somehow managed to peel himself away from the door before he listened to Peach offer her body as payment. "Maybe I can steal that slut Krystal away from Panther..." Wolf thought aloud.

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Zelda shifted uneasily under the curious gaze of Samus Aran. "To be honest, I don't know much about magic myself, Samus." She turned away, looking out over Castle Town from her stone balcony.

"Can you at least explain what magic is?" Samus asked anxiously.

Zelda considered it for a moment before turning back towards Samus. "Magic..." she breathed, "is the manipulation of energy or forces to affect or influence the world around us."

Samus gazed thoughtfully at Zelda. "Can anyone use magic?"

Zelda shook her head. "No. Most Hylians can, to some degree, but the ability to use magic is rather uncommon in Humans."

"What's the difference between Hylians and Humans? I assume it's not the ability to use magic."

Zelda laughed, brushing her hair away from her pointed ear. "Haven't you noticed that some people have pointed ears and some don't?"

Samus shook her head. "It was too crowded in town for me to notice what kind of ears people had..." She frowned. "I did notice some big, orange... things, though. What are those?"

"Those are Gorons. They're big and friendly... they're not exactly the smartest, but they're not as dumb as they look. Yes, for a race that eats rocks, they're pretty intelligent."

"They eat rocks? Is that all?"

Zelda sighed. "They like to eat ores. Especially iron. If they didn't eat ores like they do, Hyrule would be much more advanced than it is. We simply don't have the materials to construct machines and other, similar things."

Samus scratched her cheek absently. "So that's why you use those little gems as currency. You can't spare the metal to make coins."

"Precisely. All of the metal in Hyrule has to be imported. It's quite the pain."

Samus shot a look of disbelief at Zelda. "All of it? I don't buy it."

Zelda laughed. "There are mines scattered around Hyrule... but they've been stripped clean by the Gorons. However, the Gorons are amazing blacksmiths. There are certain metals that they will not eat, for whatever reason- nobody knows whether it's because they know how valuable the metals are, or because they don't like the taste. When the Gorons forge a sword -or anything, really- it is always of exquisite quality."

Samus nodded. "So they forge things other than swords... Do they take requests?"

Zelda looked at Samus curiously. _'What's she getting at?' _"I don't know. Link is quite familiar with the Gorons, though. You could ask him."

Samus stood and nodded eagerly. "Excellent!" She paused. "Where's Link?"

Zelda considered it for a moment, looked at the position of the sun in the sky. "I think he's probably in town. It's around dinner time, so he might be at Telma's."

Samus hastily kissed Zelda on the cheek, then bolted out of the room. "Thanks!"

Zelda frowned. "I didn't even get to tell her where Telma's is."

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Luna's face felt hot. "Wooooooow," she slurred. "Thish alcohol schtuff ish amashiiing..."

Link wore a concerned look on his face. "Luna, are you alright?"

Luna giggled. "Schuuuuuuure am I," she said, clumsily raising her hand to get the attention of the bartender, Telma, a large, tanned woman with unusually large breasts and blood-red eyes. "Mishush nishe alcohol lady~!" Sang Luna.

Telma shot Link a dirty look as she walked over, a look Link assumed was _'How many has she had?!' _Link held up one finger. Telma's jaw dropped. Luna giggled. "Link, whash you pooooooointing at?"

Samus burst into the bar, sending the doors swinging wildly about. Her eyes lit up when she saw Link and Luna. After taking a deep breath to compose herself, she calmly walked over to and sat beside Link. "Link, how do I get the respect of the Gorons?"

Link put an arm around the shoulders of the now-teetering Luna to stabilize her, then turned his attention to Samus. "You have to prove yourself to them."

"How do I do that?"

"Personally," Link said, "I sumo wrestled a well-respected Goron, then saved the elders and chief."

Samus frowned. "Well, I can't do that."

Luna giggled. "Why you can't do dat, schishter?"

Samus threw a sideways glance at Luna. "Because Link already saved them, of course." She seemed to be completely oblivious to the intoxication of her 'sister'.

"I'm sure that they'll have some crazy task or another that you can do, sweetie," Telma said.

Samus nodded. "Right... so, where do I find the Gorons, exactly?"

Link procured a map and handed it to her. "Death Mountain. If you go to Kakariko village, you'll have no trouble finding the path up the mountainside."

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Samus wiped the sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. _'Not only is this a FUCKING VOLCANO,'_ she thought, _' it's also full of giant, sumo-wrestling rock men.' _

The Goron she had just thrown out of the ring rose to his feet. "I'm impressed wid your strength. You welcome here any time, brudda."

Samus grinned. "Excellent. Do you know where I can get a ring?"

The Goron nodded. "What kinda ring you want, brudda?"

Samus' grin vanished. _'Shit.' _"What's the kind of ring that you give to somebody you want to marry?"

"HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO," The Goron laughed, "You want a pair of rings, brudda. One for you, one for your wife."

"Oh... wait, what makes you think I'm marrying a woman?!" Samus exclaimed.

"Because da male humans always propose to da female humans, brudda. You female, so you must be a homosexual."

Samus decided that the sheer amount of logic he had just used offended her. "In any case, I want to ask the Princess, Zelda, to marry me."

"I can tell from da look on your face dat you serious, brudda..." The Goron seemed to be considering it. "As it happens, brudda, I am a jeweler. If you can go into the mines and find me some suitable ores, I can make you a pair of beautiful rings. Da princess will be yours in no-time, brudda."

Samus nodded. "Where do I find these 'suitable ores,' specifically?"

The Goron thought for a moment, then nodded. "If you can go into da magma, you can find lots of ores, brudda."

"I thought that Gorons DRANK magma. Why would there be ores left in it?"

"You clever, brudda. Da magma carries ores in currents, up from deep widin' da earth. Dat, and Gorons are too heavy to swim, even in da magma."

Samus nodded. "Alright. What kinds of ores are suitable, then?"

"Crimsonine, Aquanine..." The Goron began to list metals that Samus had never heard of, and she listened carefully.

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_'Zelda, can I ask you a hypothetical question?' _Sheik asked.

_'I don't see why not,'_ the Princess thought in reply.

_'Alright...'_ Sheik considered her next words carefully. _'Let's say that you and Samus marry... where does that leave me?'_

_'I was under the impression that you loved her, like I do.'_

Sheik's jaw would have dropped if she had been in control. _'Wha-… how?'_

_ 'You see into my mind. You just didn't realize that it works both ways, now did you?'_ Zelda giggled aloud. _'We're a package deal, Sheik.'_

_ 'Will Samus see it that way?' _Sheik asked nervously, feeling more vulnerable than she ever had before.

_'She will if she doesn't have time to think about it.'_

_'I think you're plotting and scheming... I don't think I've ever been more proud of you, Zelda.'_

_'It's simple, really. We'll just switch during some intimate moments. You can confess our undying love to her. She'll understand then just how closely we're intertwined,' _Zelda thought.

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Fox exhaled slowly. He was sure that his legs would be numb from sitting with his legs crossed like this for so long, had they not been replaced with cybernetics when he became a pilot._ 'This isn't working. Dammit.'_

"It isn't working because you're still thinking, Fox." Lucario said.

Fox opened his eyes. "How am I supposed to stop thinking, then?!" Fox asked, not even stopping to consider whether or not Lucario had just read his mind.

"Did you ever consider that you might not be able to deal with your problems through meditation, Fox?"

Fox glared angrily at the Aura Pokemon. "_Y__ou're_ the one who suggested it!"

"And I am no expert on romantic issues. In that regard, my shortcomings are greater than yours. You're asking a dentist about a heart condition." Lucario opened one red eye and chuckled. "That is, of course, a metaphor."

"So what you're telling me is that I sat here and tried to meditate for hours, just because you didn't have the advice I needed?"

"Fox."

"What?!'

Lucario chuckled. "That's exactly what I am saying."

"Who should I ask, then?"

"I don't know, to be honest. Perhaps another smasher could give you advice. Snake, maybe? He's a grizzled veteran type."

Fox wasn't sure how he should respond to that. So he changed the subject. "I wonder how Aran's doing, relationship-wise."

"I think she's going to be just fine..." Lucario said with a laugh.

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Samus groaned._ 'Magma sucks. __Having to use the X-Ray Visor to see because I'm in FUCKING MAGMA__? Sucks. This stupid fucking Fusion Suit? SUCKS.' _Despite her silent complaints, the Huntress kept on wading through the lava, retrieving any ores she saw._ 'The shit I do for love...'_ she thought.

A beep drew her attention to the radar display on her HUD. A single white blip lay just ahead and to her right, around ten meters away. She looked in the direction of the dot, her X-Ray Visor revealing a small opening. She considered whether or not she should enter it for a moment, then decided that there was no reason _not_ to.

She somersaulted forwards, transforming into a morph ball in midair, and rolled into the opening. _'A perfect fit, huh? Suspicious...'_

Samus emerged on the other side of the tunnel, gasping when she realized what it was. Intricate carvings adorned the walls, and a large statue sat against the far wall, some ten meters away. A large, _Chozo_ statue. In its taloned hands was a capsule, gray with yellow blotches that let out a dim light. Samus slowly approached it, cautious in the dark room. A quick check with the Scan Visor revealed that the capsule contained a Power Suit._ 'I can't believe it...'_

Samus blasted the capsule open and somersaulted into the talons of the Chozo statue. A bright light encompassed everything for a brief moment, before Samus landed on her feet in front of the statue. She held up her left arm, and let out a laugh of joy when she saw an oh-so familiar orange-armor-plated hand. Then she realized something. _'This is a basic Power Suit. The Varia upgrade I have isn't compatible with this suit. Way to go, Aran, now you're fucked.'_

"Ah. You're the princess type, aren't you?" Samus looked up to see an old man in a brown cloak. He carried a wooden walking stick with a knobby end and a pointed end, and his beard was long and white.

"I'm no princess," Samus said warily.

"I know. I mean that you're the type to fall for a princess..." he scratched his beard. "The only princess around here that I can think of is Princess Zelda."

"Okay, old man," Samus replied, "Ya got me. I'm in love with Zelda."

He laughed. "I recognize you now, Miss Aran! They said you'd be coming here. I just didn't expect that I'd be alive when you did." He chuckled. "Though, you seem to have cut it pretty close."

"They?"

"The Chozo, of course. Nice fellows. Wise, too, even though they couldn't grow beards..." The old man rubbed his chin. "You're wondering how a decrepit old man like me got in here. The answer is simple. I took the stairs, like a normal person." He laughed, slapping his knee. "I swear, you princess types just over-complicate everything by your very presence."

Samus nodded. "Thanks, old man. I'll be going." She sprinted up the stairs she should have noticed without another word.

**Sorry for the delay. **

**I'll try and keep it from happening again.**

**Now, I must write a Puella Magi Madoka Magica fic!**

**HUZZAH!**

**~~~Arcane-Boomeus~~~**


	6. Chapter 6

**Conflict**

**Chapter Six:**

**Samus Puts on Some Clothes (and Some Other Stuff)**

Zelda grimaced. A small buzzing forced its way into her foremost thoughts. A few moments of contemplation brought a revelation: it was the same sensation she'd had when she'd last had a headache. Sheik snickered._ 'Did you really have to realize you have a headache?'_

_ 'Apparently,'_ Zelda snapped back, annoyed by the Shiekah residing in her mind. She sat up, and a glance towards the balcony doorway revealed that it was still night-time, though the moon was slowly making its' exit from the sky, and would be replaced by the sun in a few short hours. Her thoughts drifted to Samus, which had become less and less alarming and more and more comforting as she'd gradually sorted her feelings out._ 'What do you think she's doing right now?'_

_ 'She's not cheating on you, Zelda. You know better than that.'_

_'Well, for all intents and purposes, you _are_ me, and you're the one that immediately jumped to that conclusion.'_

_ 'I'm a Shiekah,'_ Sheik said, amazing herself with the way she so quickly and naturally used her race as an excuse, _'We are paranoia incarnate.'_

_'...You don't think she's gone and done anything... **stupid**, do you?'_

_'It's very probable.'_

_ 'I do believe you're expected to lie in these kinds of situations, Sheik.'_

_'And I do believe I don't care.'_

_ 'I just can't help but feel like I should really be worried about someone.'_

_'Princess, go to bed. I'm tired.'_

_ 'I'm surprised you can manage to sleep at night. I thought that Shiekah were "paranoia incarnate".'_

_ 'I also make sarcastic comments for my own amusement. Would you like me to head down to Telma's and start a stand-up routine?'_

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Link let out a small sigh of relief when he heard the slow, steady breathing of the sleeping Luna, glad she hadn't died in the middle of the night. "Thank the golden goddesses..." he muttered. Somehow, he'd managed to sleep, despite Luna's surprising capacity for 'snuggling' and her incredible strength.

Luckily, Telma's Bar doubled as an inn, and, being a friend of Telma's, he could stay for free. Luna, Telma had told him, was too drunk to sleep by herself, and Telma made it clear that _she_ wouldn't be the one sharing a bed with the gray-skinned young lady. Link didn't know what was so dangerous about sleeping alone when drunk, but he'd had a fair amount to drink, too, so he didn't argue. He probably wouldn't have argued if he hadn't had any alcohol, to be fair; Telma was a very... _assertive_ woman, and rumors placed her right hook somewhere between that of a Goron and a crossbow bolt.

Link let out a groan when he forced his eyes open, and forced himself to resist the urge to close them against the light shining through the window. His eyes adjusted quickly, though it seemed like an agonizingly slow process to the hero. The weight of Luna's head on his chest was oddly comfortable, not feeling out of place at all. Link briefly wondered if he was comfortable to lay on, then realized that his muscles were probably not the most comfortable thing in the world to sleep on, being hard and sinewy the way muscles tend to be.

Her hand on his nipple, however, was pretty uncomfortable. Especially considering the fact that he was tunic-less and her hands were cold. He shuddered, causing Luna to roll over and move her hand away from his nipple, which relieved Link greatly. Until he realized that her hand had gone somewhere that would bump the rating of this story up if further elaboration was provided.

Suffice to say, she grabbed his junk.

Link swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "Luna," he said softly, "please wake up."

The dark huntress pressed her cheek into his chest and groaned in much the same way as Link had only moments prior.

"Luna," Link whispered desperately, "please wake up. _Please_."

A gray eyelid slid open to reveal a red iris, which then focused on Link's face. "What... what happened?"

Link breathed yet another sigh of relief. "Move your hand first..."

"Why?" Luna correctly assumed that he meant the hand that was on his body, her left, and turned to look at where it was. She moved it quickly when she realized why Link had been so nervous, blushed, then blushed harder when she realized that her face was on Link's naked torso.

"I- I am sorry," she said, not looking back at Link.

"It's alright..." he laughed nervously.

"Ca-Can we ma-maintain this positioning? I need m-more sleep..."

Link was fairly certain she was lying. He guessed it was at least noon, and the two hadn't been up _that_ late... he surprised himself though, and said, "Sure..."

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"The crafting of jewelery from these metals is a closely guarded secret of the Goron people, friend," said the smallish (for a Goron, meaning he was still a good deal taller than the average human) Goron, who spoke much more formally than his jeweler colleague. "We will send them to Castle Town when they are completed, if that is satisfactory."

Samus nodded happily. "That sounds perfect."

"Good luck wooing your princess, miss."

Samus smiled. "You're sure that you don't want any actual payment?"

The Goron chuckled. "If you could convince your bride-to-be to send a few florists to Kakariko, we'd be even, friend."

Samus nodded. "Florists... right." She decided that the Goron was right- Kakariko village was all dry and... brown. Flowers that wouldn't explode when picked sounded like a definite improvement.

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Zelda grimaced. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but you can't 'murder' a watermelon. At the very worst, that could be called vandalism. Honestly, I don't see how this girl is at fault at all. You rolled a watermelon into the middle of the street. Castle Town is a very busy place, especially at midday. If anything, you could be charged with negligence- someone could have been seriously hurt." The princess turned her gaze from the crazy old woman to the little girl. "I'm sorry, sweetie. You can go home."

The little girl nodded. "Thank you Ze- _Princess_!"

Zelda stifled a giggle._ 'I love children,'_ she thought,_ 'they're so chipper, so lively, so... er, sproingy?'_ Zelda couldn't quite think of the right word, so she just made one up.

The crazy old woman shuffled out, muttering something about children and watermelons.

_'The word you wanted was 'spry,' Zelda.'_

_ 'Ah! Of course!'_

One of the guards started laughing hysterically once the old woman was out of earshot. The guard beside him grimaced. "What's so funny?"

The first guard gasped for breath and explained, "The fact that this came before the princess in royal court," he laughed some more. "means that a town guard couldn't figure this out on his own!"

The court was silent for several moments before Zelda burst out laughing.

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Luna smiled pleasantly. "I am glad you are fully clothed again. Looking at your naked body was giving me heart palpitations... yet I did not desire to look away. It was terrifying. I thought I would die."

Link used his brain to figure out what she meant, then blushed. "Oh... I... er, that is-"

"I do not remember what transpired last night."

Link nodded. "I'm not surprised; you were very drunk."

"Drunk?"

"You drank too much alcohol, and it made you sick."

"I was... intoxicated?"

Link scratched his chin. "I've never heard that word before, but it sounds about right."

Luna pressed her fingers together, resisted the impulse to attack Link, then began to frantically run her fingers through her hair- not even bothering to separate them before doing so. She surprised herself with her vanity. _'Is there something wrong with me? Am I... am I simply not as good as the original Samus? No, that cannot be it. Our brain chemistry should be mostly identical, after all... probably...'_

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Samus frantically ran her fingers through her hair, then tied it into the usual ponytail. _'Why do they call it a 'ponytail' anyways? I guess I see the resemblance, but... tails are situated uncomfortably close to asses...' _She shook her head. _'You can think about asses later, Aran. For now, try and look presentable. After all, Zelda's a princess.'_

Samus absorbed her Zero Suit into her skin, then donned a light blue tunic and a pair of brown tights. Leather boots came next, followed by the final touch: bracers and fingerless gloves. _'This is weird. Not only are these not skin-tight, they're not all the same color... I do look like I belong here, though...'_

"Samus." Samus whirled around to face the stone archway that led to Zelda's bedroom. The lanky figure of Sheik stood in the door-frame. "You actually look like you belong, now." No matter how many times she told herself that they shared a body, Samus couldn't help but think that Sheik was slightly taller and more muscular than Zelda. The Shiekah kept her face covered at all times, which had the effect of making her voice sound that much deeper and more mysterious. Samus wondered briefly if that was intentional, or just a convenient side-effect.

"I feel..." Samus almost said 'naked', but the truth was that she felt like she was over-dressed. "Clothed."

"There are ways to remedy that," Sheik replied. Samus wasn't sure if she was trying to be sexy and coming off as creepy, or if she was trying to sound creepy and coming off as sexy. Due to this creepy sexiness/ sexy creepiness, Samus was further confused when it started to rain. _'Does that suit the creepy mood, or the sexy mood? Is sexy even a mood...?' _Samus' eyes swept around the room, and she was unable to take it as anything other than creepy and sexy. _'Sexy is _definitely_ a mood.'_

"I don't remember seeing any rain clouds..." Samus noted, purposely distracting herself from the mood, whether it was sexy or creepy.

Sheik shifted her weight from one foot to the other, then switched back, giving Samus the impression that she was uneasy. "It _is_ springtime, after all," the Sheikah said, more to herself than to Samus.

"Please tell me that this is normal."

"This _is_ normal, Samus... which is why the uneasy feeling I'm getting makes me particularly uneasy."

"It's not as if anything sinister is taking place, right?"

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Lucario's aura receptors (affectionately referred to as 'dreadlocks') bristled and stood on end. Pikachu looked at his fighting-type friend curiously. "[What's wrong, Lucario?]"

Lucario grimaced, an expression that looks quite strange when stretched across a muzzle, and said, "[I sense a disturbance in the For-]" Lucario coughed and sputtered, which was definitely unlike him, and continued, "[_surrounding aura_.]"

"[And that's... _bad_?]"

"[Very.]"

"[What kind of 'disturbance' is this?]"

"[It's as if something... _sinister_ is taking place...]"

"[Gee, _that_ narrows it down.]" Pikachu replied dryly.

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Luna's eyebrows arched curiously. She wasn't sure what was happening, but she was sure that it was very interesting. The trio of triangles on the back of Link's hand, the ones she had inferred were a religious marking of some sort, were glowing. '_If it is a religious symbol, then the glowing probably has some sort of significance... does he know it is glowing? If he does, he is acting normally, so either he does not realize that it is shining though the leather hand-guard he is wearing, or he simply does not care... I shall ask him about it, in a way that will not offend him!'_

Luna nodded microscopically, proud of her logic-based decision. "Is the symbol on your hand meant to be glowing like that?" She asked, her face as curious as her mind. She decided that she was probably a master of altering her own expressions to match her thoughts, so much so that it came naturally to her, and a flicker of pride flashed across her face before she resumed being curious.

Link's reaction was one of confusion. "...Something must be happening," he reasoned aloud, "let's get to the castle. I'm sure Zelda knows what's going on."

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Zelda frowned down at the glowing Triforce on the back of her left hand, contemplating the possible meaning behind it. She managed to look regal in spite of herself, though the throne she sat on certainly contributed to the atmosphere of royalty.

"This could mean any number of things," she said, after several moments of further thought. "It could mean that Ganondorf is back again. It could mean that the goddesses are trying to get our attention. It could mean that something evil is happening. For all we know, it could mean that Hyrule has completely recovered from the chaos that ended not-so-long-ago... but I think it means something else."

Samus and Luna looked at each other, then at their respective love interests. They felt definitively out of place. Luna thought that Samus looked pretty in her new outfit, while Samus realized that she was dressed in almost exactly the same way as Link.

"What do you think it means, Zelda?" Link asked, looking completely stumped himself.

"Perhaps... perhaps the Triforce of Power has selected a new host?"

Link grimaced. "I thought it was eternally bound to Ganondorf... or... _something_ like that."

"Zelda," Samus asked, "how certain are you in your theory?"

"I get the sense that something has returned, in a new form. Something... not of the Light."

Samus nodded. "Either way, whatever it is that's happening is serious enough that your gods-"

"God_desses_," Luna corrected her.

Samus shrugged. "God_desses_," she reiterated, "-that they think it's important enough to warrant giving you two a message- or warning, as the case may be."

"Or," said a voice that was familiar to half of them, "they just wanted you to take a look in the mirror once in a while."

Link's eyes widened, as did Zelda's. Samus frowned, because she hadn't noticed the woman entering. Luna frowned because she thought the woman might be prettier than her, then her frown deepened because she was being vain again.

"I mean, really," the woman's voice continued, "you're a princess, Ze, shouldn't you be combing your hair out in front of a mirror every night?"

"You're a princess, too," Zelda replied indignantly.

"But there's no 'night' where I live." Then the woman giggled, "_Tee-hee."_

Link turned slowly around. "Midna," he said softly.

"Wassup, _dawg_?"

He walked to the woman, who smiled at him, a smile that an old friend shares with another old friend. Her skin was gray, much like Luna's, and her hair was a ridiculously bright orange. Her features were almost human, but not quite. Her eyes were several rings of different shades of red, and the whites of her eyes were yellow. She was distinctively tall and slender, and she radiated a strange, exotic beauty.

Link frowned at her. A resounding slap rang out, before he pulled her into a hug. "You're an idiot," he said.

Luna felt a strange, baseless (at least, as far as she knew) urge to assault this woman, which subsided (mostly) when the hug ended. She decided to ask Samus about it later.

Midna was half-surprised that Link had slapped her, and mostly surprised when she noticed another gray-skinned woman in the room. The Twilight Princess gave her best seductive wink, and Luna's confused expression indicated that it hadn't been very effective. Midna knew she was more than sexy enough to elicit more than a confused expression from anyone interested, and, following a natural progression of logic, deduced that she must be straight.

"Is that your girlfriend?" Midna whispered to Link, who blushed furiously and hissed, "N-No!"

"Is that so? Mind if I _romance_ her, then? She's gorgeous... _tee-hee_."

Luna didn't like the sound of that, either, but Link protested before she did. His embarrassment was made painfully obvious by the redness that had spread to cover his entire face and his long ears. "I mind," he said, forcing himself to say the words slowly and clearly.

Midna smiled a ferocious smile. "Good."

Samus, deciding that she was done being left in the dark, said, "Sorry if I'm ruining the 'mood' or something, but... who are you, exactly?"

Midna turned to face the huntress, then smiled in a manner that was far less creepy than the one she'd directed at Link. "I am Midna, Princess of the realm of Twilight. And I've been checking in on Hyrule pretty regularly for a while, now." Midna giggled. "You've been busy lately. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. There's no fun in that."

Samus nodded. Her question hadn't really been answered, but this 'Midna' wasn't going to spoil her plans, so she let it slide.

"Unfortunately," Midna said, her face growing serious, "I didn't come here for a simple visit."

Zelda nodded. "I had suspected as much."

"I'm not certain what, precisely, the problem is," Midna explained, "but there seems to be some sort of malign presence gathering. No doubt the forces of evil are preparing to mount an invasion of some sort."

Zelda nodded curtly, her lips taking the shape of a slight frown, and Link's face hardened considerably, his eyes taking on a dangerous edge. Samus immediately began running scans of the planet, as did Luna. The materialization of their power suits seemed completely natural, as if Link's determined expression and Zelda's frown had been equivalent responses.

"I cannot stay for much longer," Midna announced, "I'll continue to watch over Hyrule, and I'll alert you if the situation worsens."

"Thank you, Midna," Zelda said, curtsying gracefully. Midna inclined her head slightly in reciprocation, then turned and strode over to Luna, whispered something to her, and disappeared.

"Scans indicate a large amount of ambient energy in the atmosphere," Samus said, "origin... unknown."

Luna shook her head, which was rather difficult in her power suit, as if trying to dispel some sort of troubling thought. "It looks like there may be a ship in orbit," she said, "it's unclear- bizarre atmospheric conditions are causing interference."

"Samus, is that a different suit of armor," Link asked, unsure.

"It is, actually," Samus said, feeling far more flattered than she'd willingly admit.

Zelda grimaced. "What happened to the other one?"

"I replaced it. I'm not sure what happens, exactly, but it... well, it's gone. It's probably a good thing, having a fresh start, what with all of the problems I'd been having recently."

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Samus groaned. The bizarre atmospheric conditions, combined with the storm, had rendered her scans all but useless. Link had gone to fetch supplies, and Luna had gone with him. Zelda had retreated into her study- which happened to be a gigantic library- and Samus had been left all alone, able to do nothing more than calibrate her Power Suit.

She'd queued several beam weapons to be re-installed, among them the Plasma Beam and the Ice Beam, but the process was completely automated, and would take several hours- during which she had no use of her Arm cannon, but had to remain fully garbed in her armor. _'I wish that whatever is __getting ready to__ happen would just... happen already. I don't think I've ever felt so useless in my life...'_

Unfortunately for all involved parties, her wish came true. She had tempted fate, and fate had decided to show her the error of her ways.

A screeching roar that Samus knew all too well pierced her ears, and Samus couldn't withhold her annoyance._ 'I crashed the __B.S.L. Station into SR388. His remains were on the station. I blew up the whole damn planet.'_ She sighed._ 'Why am I even surprised anymore?'_

The deep, evil-sounding laugh, though, was something Samus hadn't heard before. She moved to the window to see Ridley flying across the sky a good distance away, and he was again more machine than... pterodactyl? But there was something- no, some_one_- on his back.

"Did you truly think to kill a GOD?!" The voice taunted, sounding calmly malicious in spite of the extreme volume with which it was obviously speaking.

"You caused a... minor setback, before," the man hissed, "but my new allies have helped me to acquire even MORE POWER!" He laughed again.

Samus tried to scan both the man and the cyborg-dinosaur-thing, but there was too much interference for even her Scan Visor to function properly. All that she could see was that the man was, if Ridley was the same size as he had been during their last encounter, a giant of a man, with fiery red hair and greenish-gray skin... though there _were_ some electric-blue veins clearly visible on his face...

Samus was immediately reminded of Phazon, but, she told herself,_ 'That's not possible... Phaaze was destroyed! Hell, I was the one who caused the destroying!'_

Then she sighed. _'Of course, Ridley was destroyed, too. Lots of times. Too many to count. But there he is.'_

Ridley loosed a scarlet beam of energy from his maw, and it lanced through the sky in a jarringly diabolical way. "Come and try to stop me," the man cried, "let us see how many executions I, Ganondorf, King of Darkness, can survive!" Another maniacal laugh.

Samus grimaced as Ridley flew away.

"Fu-" a bolt of lightning arced through the sky, cutting off the "ck" part of "F***."

Zelda walked in the room. She looked at Samus as if to ask "Did that really just happen?"

Then, to clarify, she said the words, too.

Samus nodded. "Yeah. I think it did."

Zelda groaned. "Fu-" In what was no less than a meteorological miracle, lightning struck before she could raise the rating of this fic from T to M.

Samus sagely noted, "That's what I said."

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Fox grinned as he reached for a tool whose function was very non-dissimilar to the function of a wrench, but whose price tag was far greater. Fox had always enjoyed modifying, maintaining, and repairing spacecraft, and Samus' gunship was no exception. He wasn't as skilled as Slippy, but the computer, Adam, was able to assist him in making his modifications.

He made a few more adjustments to the fasteners holding the new module in place just under the gunship's control panel, then, satisfied with his work, he placed the warning label onto it.

_DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, USE THIS DEVICE FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN IT'S INTENDED FUNCTION(S). _

_THIS INCLUDES, BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO:_

_-A CUP-HOLDER_

_-A MICROWAVE OVEN_

_-A BLUDGEON/ BLUNT INSTRUMENT_

_-A HAT_

_-A SURROGATE MOTHER/FATHER_

_-TARGET PRACTICE_

_-IDOL WORSHIP (NOT TO BE __CONFUSED__ WITH __IDLING__ A __WARSHIP__, WHICH FALLS UNDER THE INTENDED FUNCTION(S) OF THIS DEVICE)_

_-AN OTTOMAN_

_ -ANY OTHER TYPE OF FOOT/LEG RESTING FURNITURE_

_ -ANY TYPE OF FURTITURE IN GENERAL_

_WARNING:_

_-DO NOT MOCK THIS DEVICE_

_-DO NOT TOUCH THIS DEVICE INAPPROPRIATELY_

_-DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SERENADE THIS DEVICE_

_ -ESPECIALLY WITH SMOOTH JAZZ_

Fox chuckled. "Warning labels these days. So ridiculous..."

"You wouldn't believe how many times I saw new recruits trying to use the charging apparatus for their armor to toast a bagel," Adam said, "and I really don't like smooth jazz."

"I think I would. I've just finished installing an autopilot system in a gunship because it _asked_ me to. Not to mention that I felt obliged to do it because it's been giving me relationship advice."

"In my defense, I _was_ pretty popular with the ladies, back in my day."

"Oh! Should I call you the _relation-ship_, then?" Fox asked, rolling his eyes.

"... Don't worry, kid. I'm sure there are plenty of other _foxy_ ladies out there for you."

_'Oh, _great_. Now the ship's funnier than I am, too.'_

**End Chapter Six**

** Remember how, in the author's notes of chapter 5, I was like "I'm sorry this took so long, please don't hate me" and "HUZZAH!" and such?**

**Well... **

**erm...**

**Ditto?**

**WATCH OUT! THE METAPHORICAL FECES IS ON A METAPHRICAL APPROACH VECTOR FOR THE METAPHORICAL FAN!**

**AND IT'S GOING TO CREATE A BIG, METAPHORICAL MESS. **

**BRING METAPHORICAL PAPER TOWELS. AND METAPHORICAL HAND SANITIZER. **

**I think that's all.**

**Bye-nii~!**

**Oh god, did I really just do that?**

**WHY DO MY ASTERISKS KEEP DISAPPEARING?! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!**

**smashes keyboard**

**FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-**


End file.
